


Our Lovely Dance

by bittersweetdaffodil



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Homophobic Language, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 20:42:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4033888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittersweetdaffodil/pseuds/bittersweetdaffodil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s going to be awesome, just wait and see. The Tommo and Payno, back together to raise terror through all of London.”</p><p>Liam pulls back and squints his eyes at him. “Are you still as horribly messy as you were a few years ago?”</p><p>Louis makes an indignant sound and slaps Liam’s shoulder. “How very dare you? I’m offended that you’d think that. I am much more mature now. So much has changed in these three years, you’re going to be impressed.”</p><p>“It’s still exactly the same, right.”</p><p>“Yeah, pretty much.”</p><p> </p><p>Or, Liam and Louis have been friends since they were fourteen. Liam moves back in, recently single, and Louis does <em>not</em> have feelings for his best mate, right? Right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Lovely Dance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [treez_r_green](https://archiveofourown.org/users/treez_r_green/gifts).



> Written for the prompt: _Lilo are best friends since primary school, shared a flat in Uni and still live in each others pockets. They are both recently single and have moved back in together. Both of their families have assumed they are now dating, hijinx ensue when the pair go home for a family event and find it surprisingly difficult to convince their families differently._ I deviated a bit from the prompt, but I hope you like it!
> 
> Okay, so here we are. Can't believe this is done!
> 
> Given the purpose of this exchange, I think it's not too spoiler-y if I say that I'm very inexperienced in terms of fic writing. That said, I have a few people I need to thank:
> 
> \- My _amazing_ betas, without whom this would probably suck.
> 
> Michelle, for being my rock through this process, helping me when I was stuck, encouraging me when I felt like I took on too much and should just give up, being honest when something wasn't quite right and always having something nice to say. She was my beta, hand-holder and everything else, despite being sick and busy and halfway across the world! And Jane, who was incredible, working day and night so I'd be able to hand this on time. She gave me wonderful suggestions and a lot of insight into British culture. I learned so much from her! You girls rock, and if there's one thing I'll take from this exchange is the fact that I got to meet you and talk to you :)
> 
> \- The incredible mods! Thank you so much guys, this was such a great idea. It felt like such a safe environment for first-time or inexperienced writers! I hope everything goes well and that we all get to read new and exciting fics, thanks to you.
> 
> \- And finally, a big thank you to all the writers and artists involved in this fandom. It's such an amazing thing, that we have people that are willing to give their time and hard work, without getting anything in return, so that we can all enjoy the end product. If I learned something was that this is much harder than it looks, and it takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there, so. You're all incredible.
> 
> Title's taken from I Was Trying To Sleep When Everyone Woke Up, by Noiserv.
> 
>  
> 
>  **Warnings** : there's a brief scene featuring bullying and homophobic slurs. If that triggers you, please skip it!

“I still can’t believe you’re doing this to me,” Louis mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest while leaning on the door to Harry’s bedroom - what is soon to be Harry’s ex-bedroom.

“Louis, I love you. But I- I need to do this for myself,” Harry mutters, carefully folding another floral shirt and dropping it in the huge bag open on top of the bed. He seems apologetic. “I’m sorry, Lou. It’s just… we’ve been going on about this for days. I thought you were okay with it? If you really want me to stay-“

“No,” Louis says abruptly. “You know I would never ask you to do that. Never mind me, I’m just being a whiny twat.” He tries to smile, but he thinks it comes out more like a grimace. He knows he can be a tiny bit needy, at times. But Harry is one of his best mates. They’ve been living together for over three years, they know each other like the back of their own hands. The thought of having to find another roommate, possibly a stranger, is a little bit daunting.

Harry must see something on his face, because he approaches Louis slowly, almost like he’s afraid to scare him, and places a gentle hand on his elbow. “Lou-”

“Hey, don’t worry, it’s okay,” he raises his voice, trying to sound happy. He really is happy for Harry, but part of him can’t help but feel a bit of dread. He laughs, loud and fake, trying to deflect Harry’s attention, and makes a big show of sniffing his own armpits. “I guess maybe I should shower more often, huh? First it was Liam, now it’s you, maybe the universe is trying to tell me something!”

Obviously, it doesn’t work. Harry stares into his eyes, a frown on his face. “Is that what this is about?”

Louis’ heart starts beating fast, and all the blood rushes from his face. He doesn’t want to talk about this. “Is what about what?”

“C’mon Lou. It’s me, remember?” Harry placates, as he takes the last few steps towards him and hugs Louis tightly to his chest. “I’m not leaving you, okay? We’ll still get to hang out all the time. You’ll always be my one of my best mates.”

Louis breathes deeply and squeezes his arms around Harry’s waist. “I’m sorry. I’m really happy for you, you know. Even if you’re moving in with that wanker-” Harry interrupts him by punching his shoulder. “OW! Okay, okay, calm down, I’ll rephrase that. Even if you’re moving in with Nick _that-wanker-that-makes-you-really-happy-so-that-makes-him-sort-of-okay_ Grimshaw-” Harry smiles fondly, dimples fully on show, like he does anytime someone mentions Nick “-I’m glad you found someone that laughs at your terrible knock-knock jokes.”

“ _Heeey_. I’m extremely funny. You’re just not cultured enough to understand my special brand of humour.”

Louis laughs. “ _Special_ is the right word.”

 

-.-.-

 

After Louis helps Harry pack the rest of his things into his decrepit car ( _“Why you still own that piece of shit is beyond me, Haz. It’s not for lack of money, that’s for sure. Is it because it makes you look even more hipster-y?”_ ), and they exchange an emotional goodbye (no, Louis does not cry, thank you very much, it’s just his allergies acting up), Harry finally leaves with promises to meet up at their usual pub in a few days. He drives slowly down the street, car visibly dragging due to the amount of weight inside it.

Louis goes back up and enters his flat, bypassing the living room and going straight to the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge. He decides to spend the rest of the day moping on the sofa, watching telly.

Louis doesn’t mind being alone in the flat again. However, after Liam moved in with Sophia a little over three years ago, Harry had been the obvious next choice, since he’d just come back from backpacking through Ireland with Niall for a year. So Louis really never had to live alone or search for a roommate. What does one do? Put an ad on Craigslist? What if some weirdo creeper comes knocking on his door and tries to murder him with an axe? No way. He’ll ask around to see if some friend of a friend is looking. Maybe he should ask Liam. Liam’ll know what to do.

Actually, now that Louis’ thinking, he hasn’t seen Liam in a while. What with the whole Harry-moving-out ordeal, Louis has been a bit preoccupied, to be honest. He makes a grab for his phone where it’s sitting on top of his coffee table, and finds Liam’s last text: a picture of his recently adopted bulldog named Peter Parker slobbering all over a pair of Sophia’s pumps. He writes, _Wanna hang out at the pub later? Haven’t seen you in ages :)_

Liam and Louis have been best mates for a long time. Liam’s family moved to Doncaster when Louis was ten years old, because his father had to relocate from Wolverhampton for work. They met at school, and at first they weren’t too keen on each other. Louis was loud, boisterous, mischievous and always the class clown, while Liam preferred to sit with his head down taking notes. He was shy, and nervous, and way too responsible. Not at all the type of person Louis hung out with. That changed when they were fourteen years old.

At fourteen, Louis already knew that he was gay. There was never an emotional crisis or a freak out. It was just the way he was. Thankfully, Jay was fully supportive every step of the way and never questioned him. He felt anxious to tell her, but he knew his mum, and he knew she’d never stop loving him. And she proved him right, by hugging him tight to her chest when he told her, fumbling for his words. _I know I’m still young, but this is not a phase. This is who I am. I’m still your Louis, I just don’t like girls._ She cried and hugged him for a long time. _My baby. You’re so brave, I’m so proud of you for telling me._ The fact that his mum and his dad always had his back helped shape him into a proud young man.

So he had no problem in being who he was at school as well. His loud personality carried over into the way he dressed and the way he talked. He was Louis fucking Tomlinson, and if you didn’t like him, you could just fuck off. While most of his friends stayed by his side, some of them started to drift away. And while that bothered him at first, he understood later that those weren’t his real friends and he found himself glad to part ways with them.

The name calling started a few months into Year 10. At first it was just silly things that he brushed off, but then it started escalating, getting nastier and nastier. He’d always fight back, turning on his feistiness and answering with some scathing remark. It bothered him, he wasn’t going to lie, but it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. He had his group of friends, who always stood by him and defended him – Ed in particular had some amazingly eloquent replies – his family was behind him, he was the star of the footie team and of the drama club. So, all in all, everything was coming up Louis.

Until it wasn't. A week before that year’s winter break, Louis stayed behind after footie practice to do some extra laps. He was spending more and more time with the drama club, since they were about to stage their winter play in a couple of weeks. He was playing Danny in Grease, which meant he had more lines, more singing and more choreography to perfect than usual. He felt guilty for not putting as much time into the football team, which was why he was staying an extra half hour after each practice to compensate.

After showering alone, he left the locker room with his sports bag hanging from his shoulder. He was distracted - the wind was blowing his wet hair towards his face, making him shiver and sneeze a couple of times - so he didn’t see the two figures approaching. Once he noticed someone behind him it was too late. Tom and Max, two year elevens who were usually the ones to instigate most of the hate towards Louis, grabbed his elbows and pushed him towards the wall, and he felt the back of his head connect forcefully with it, a sharp pain spreading through his skull and making him dizzy.

“The _fuck_?” he said, which only made him feel more nauseated.

“Tomlinson. So nice to see you here all alone, without your gaggle of friends following you around.” Max sniggered as he spoke, looking over at Tom.

“Yeah, you little poof. We have been wanting to catch you alone for a long time.” They each had a hand wrapped around one of his arms. They were squeezing so tight that Louis was starting to feel pinpricks on the tips of his fingers. That was definitely going to bruise. He couldn’t possibly run away or fight his way out of this – they were both a head taller than him and their arms bulged from their t-shirts menacingly. He didn’t want to scream unless he had no other choice, and that would probably be pointless anyway, as the courtyard was deserted at that time of the day. _Don’t let them know you’re afraid, Louis. That’s what they want_.

“What can I do for you, boys?”

“You could stop existing. But since that’s not going to happen, I think we need to teach you a lesson. You know, my father always says that the only reason there are fags prancing around the world is because no one taught them how to behave properly. I completely agree. What about you, Tom?”

“Of course I do. See it this way, Tomlinson, that we’re actually doing you a favour. From the goodness of our hearts. We want to help you.”

Fear started to creep slowly up Louis’ spine. What could he do? He could try to take one down and then run from the other, but it’d probably be worse in the end. He was definitely considering screaming. Well, at least he wouldn’t go down without a fight.

“Well boys, that seems to me like a serious case of internalized homophobia, to be honest.” He was stalling at that point, trying to figure out what to do. Maybe if he kicked Tom in the nuts, he’d free his arm, then he could punch Max in the face and run as fast as he can in hopes of finding a caretaker or teacher somewhere.

“What? What do you mean?” Max said through his teeth, his face angry. Louis didn’t have long.

“I’ve always wondered about guys in the wrestling team,” Louis said. “Rolling around the floor, wearing leotards, oiled bodies slipping against each other. I bet a boner popped up at inconvenient times, right boys? If you want advice from me, I’d be glad to help.”

They both looked at each other and grunted at the same time, pulling him from the wall and smacking him against it once again. His head made a cracking sound and he felt something trickling between his hair and onto his neck. He must be bleeding, then. His dizziness came back in full force and he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

“We were trying to be nice, you little shit. But that’s over now. You’ll regret saying what you just did.”

Louis was fucked. It was impossible to do anything now. His nausea was making him feel close to fainting. Any chance he had of fighting back was probably shot to pieces. He braced himself for impact, when he heard steps and a male voice calling out.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?”

“Go away, Payne! This is none of your business,” Max shouts in reply.

“Do you guys know this school has an anti-bullying policy?” The voice fades out a bit, almost like Liam is unsure of what he’s saying. “I wonder how it would look to your dads if I just ran into the headteacher’s office right now with this story? I bet they would love you being expelled.”

Max and Tom looked at Liam Payne, considering him. Even though his voice sounded shaky and nervous, they must have believed what he’s saying, because they let go of Louis’ arms, and without support, he felt himself slide down the wall and fall to the ground.

“This isn’t the end, Tomlinson,” Tom muttered, spitting into the ground next to Louis’ feet.

Liam approached them slowly and said, looking straight at Tom, “I think it is. Or I’ll show Mister Winston this recording.” He held up his phone, before continuing, “Along with the medical report from the A&E we’re getting after you’re gone.” Even if still a bit hesitant and timid, he sounded sure of what he was saying, not at all like the Liam Louis is used to.

Tom and Max looked at each other in a silent conversation between themselves. They apparently decided it wasn’t worth it, because they started to retreat, but not before bumping Liam’s shoulder forcefully on the way. Liam flinched, but sighed in relief as soon as they left, turning to look at Louis. He widened his eyes like he almost forgot Louis was there. Liam crouched next to him and put a hand on his shoulders. “Hey Lou. Are you okay?” Liam bit his lip after the nickname slipped, almost like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to use it.

“Peachy. Just a little frazzled really. How- Why were you here this late?” Louis felt the beginning of a headache forming behind his temples. He looked at Liam but only saw a blurred outline.

“I was at the library, finishing a maths assignment. I was just leaving, my sister Ruth’s picking me up, but then I heard a noise, so I decided to check what was going on.”

“I’m glad you did. Thank you,” Louis whispered. “Could you maybe help me up?”

Liam grabbed both of his hands and pulled him up with a groan. As soon as he did, Louis felt the world spin, and he fell into Liam’s chest. “Hey Louis, c’mon, you’re not okay. What-” He was looking at his hand, previously placed on the back of Louis’ neck to help him stay up. It was red. “You’re bleeding!”

“They pushed me against the wall and I hit my head. It’s no big deal.”

“No, we have to go to the hospital, you probably have a concussion.”

“Thanks Liam, but don’t worry. My mum’s a nurse, she’s probably home by now, and she’ll patch me up in no time.”

Liam huffed and shook his head disbelievingly. He grabbed the sports bag - laying forgotten on the ground - and took Louis’ left arm to place around Liam’s broad shoulders, while placing his own right hand on Louis waist. “Grab onto me, okay? I’ll ask Ruth to take us to the A&E, and you can ask your mum to meet you there. You need to let a doctor see you and I’m sure if your mum was here she’ll tell you the same.”

“But-” As soon as Louis started to talk, he felt the contents of his stomach coming up. He let go of Liam, and placed a hand on the wall, dropping his head and puking his late lunch into the ground, thankfully missing his clothes and shoes. Liam rested a hand on his back, soothing him while he breathed heavily and tried to calm himself.

“Yeah, you’re just peachy. C’mon, mate, to the hospital it is.”

Louis had no arguments to protest anymore, so he let Liam support him and guide him to the parking lot, where a silver Corsa was waiting with a girl in her late teens, who Louis assumed to be Ruth, in the driver’s seat. Louis was feeling incredibly sleepy and out of it, so he didn’t catch their exchange, but he presumed she was okay with taking them to the hospital since Liam pushed him into the back seat and climbed in after him. Louis dropped his head onto Liam’s shoulder once they started moving, his eyes drooping. After a bit - it could have been seconds, or minutes - he felt someone shaking him, and Liam’s voice filtered in. “Louis. Hey, don’t fall asleep. I’ve always heard you shouldn’t let someone with a possible concussion fall asleep. Talk to me. What were you still doing at school this late?”

Louis tried to process Liam’s words. “Uh, I was- running laps. On the football pitch. I have a, you know, those things from teachers that allow you to use things?”

Liam giggled, the movement of his shoulders jostling Louis a bit. “A permission form?”

“Yeah, that! Coach gave me one of those to use the pitch after practice hours.”

Liam kept talking to him, asking inane questions, like when did the team meet, what type of drills they usually do, why’s he staying late to practice and so on, until they reached the A&E. Louis heard Liam and his sister talking, and they apparently decided Ruth needed to stay because she was the only person of age between them. Louis wanted to protest, but at the same time he didn’t want to be alone, so he remained silent while Liam pulled him out of the car.

Liam stayed by his side all evening. He and Ruth checked him in at the nurses’ station, helped him fill out the forms, went with him to triage. They had to wait for awhile to get seen by a doctor, which was fine, since Louis’ mum was delivering a baby at that moment and couldn’t join them right away. Liam had called her phone, but she didn’t answer. Louis gave him the number of the clinic Jay works at and the receptionist told Liam they would warn Louis’ mother as soon as they could.

Louis didn’t know what to make of it. Liam was being so nice and attentive. None of his friends would’ve done that for him. Sure, they might’ve taken him to the A&E and called his mum, but that’d be it.

Two hours after arriving at the hospital, they were still in the waiting room waiting for Jay. Ruth had already left, claiming she couldn’t stay longer. Louis tried to make Liam go with her but Liam didn’t budge, insisting that he’d wait for Louis’ mum to arrive. Louis was sitting with his head on Liam’s shoulder, still feeling a little sleepy. He didn’t remember how he got there, but he felt comfortable, even if Liam seemed a bit stiff, like he wasn’t used to physical proximity.

“Thank you,” Louis whispered. “You didn’t have to do all this for me. We barely even know each other.”

Liam laced his fingers together. “Of course I did, they were being dickheads.”

“I’m not talking about that. Though, thanks for that too. It was really badass.” Liam laughed at that, and Louis felt himself shake with the movement. He quickly grabbed Louis’ shoulder to steady him.

“I don’t know about that. I was quite nervous. Almost pissed my pants.”

“Well, I didn’t notice. But I’m talking about you being here with me.”

“Oh. I just –,” he blushed, his thick eyebrows disappearing into the fringe of his terrible bowl cut. “I hate hospitals, especially when I’m alone, so I thought maybe you’d like the company?”

“Yeah, I did. You’ve been to hospitals a lot?”

“One of my kidneys doesn’t work properly, so I was in a lot when I was a kid. Then, right after I moved to Doncaster, I used to get pushed around a bit. Got myself in here a couple of times. So I took up boxing and, surprisingly, the bullying toned down,” he mumbles, looking at Louis. He started to smile shyly when he said, “Max was actually one of the first guys I punched in the face for real. Wasn’t so keen on messing with me after that.”

Louis was surprised. It was like he was meeting Liam all over again. “Wow, Payne. Never pegged you for a mean boxer.”

“I’m not mean. Just prefer to have some tools to defend myself,” Liam said, his jaw set and eyes shining with honesty.

It was then that his mother ran into the waiting room, still in her scrubs, which meant she probably left the clinic in a hurry.

“Louis!” He got up just as his mum reached him, hugging him tightly to her chest. “I’m so sorry, I came as soon as they told me. I gave the receptionist a stern talk to, she should’ve told me right away! Are you okay?”

“Fine, mum. Just a concussion, I think. I’ve been to the triage, the doctor should be calling any moment now, but the nurse told me I probably just needed to sleep it off.” He saw her relax, clearly relieved that it wasn’t something serious.

“What happened? I didn’t quite understand from what I was told.”

“Two guys caught me alone outside of the gym and decided they wanted to beat the gay out of me. Thankfully, Liam here came in just at the right time, my knight in shining armour.” Louis grabbed Liam’s shoulder, since he was still a step behind them and pushed him towards his mum.

“Hello, Mrs. Tomlinson. I’m Liam Payne.” He extended his hand timidly, but Jay was having none of that, pulling him into a hug and leaving Liam flustered.

“It’s Jay, honey. Thank you so much for helping Louis.”

“It was nothing,” Liam whispered, blushing furiously.

“It was not nothing, young man. Just accept my gratitude.” Jay smiled at Liam and let him go, looking at Louis. “Have you talked to the police? Maybe we should go to the station afterwards.”

“No,” Louis stated, firmly. “I think it’s better if we don’t report them, mum. Liam’s made sure they won’t bother me again. If I press charges, it’ll just get ugly.”

“Are you sure, Louis?” Liam asked. “They’d definitely deserve it. I wouldn’t mind being your witness.”

“I’m sure, Liam. We have proof of what they did if it ever comes to that.”

“I can’t just let this go, love.” Even with the endearment, Jay sounded furious. “They could’ve seriously hurt you. First thing tomorrow I’ll go to the school, talk to the head about this. Those boys should be punished for what they did!”

Liam placed a hand on Louis’ shoulder tentatively. “Your mum’s right, Louis.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Louis said, dismissively. He’d much prefer to sweep everything under the rug, but of course his mum would never go for it.

“Well, Liam, thank you so much for being here for Louis, but you can leave now, if you want?” Jay asked.

Liam kicked his shoes against each other and blushed before mumbling: “Actually, I could stay? I mean- I just want to make sure everything’s okay.”

This boy’s something, Louis thought. “I’m okay now, Li. Mum’s here,” he said, startled by the easy way the nickname just came out of his mouth.

“Yeah, you’re right, I’ll just- go?” Liam looked up timidly, his cheeks flushed even more.

“Liam, love, if it makes you feel better, please stay?” Jay looked at Liam encouragingly. “You can entertain Louis, here. He gets a bit whiny when he’s poorly.”

“Hey!” Louis cried.

Liam laughed, his eyes crinkling adorably in the corner. “Okay, if Louis doesn’t mind.”

“Course not, Li.”

Louis’ mum smiled at both of them in that way mums have, like she knew something they didn’t. “What are you doing after, Liam?”

“Well, actually,” he muttered, scratching his arm like he’s nervous, “my mum can’t pick me up, she got stuck at work, so I was wondering if you could give me a ride? If you can’t, it’s okay, I’ll just take the bus.”

“Oh honey, of course I can, but I was wondering, why don’t you come home with us for tea? It’s the least we can do to thank you.”

She looked at Louis, and he nodded, agreeing. “Yeah, Liam. Come round. Lots of loud little girls making a ruckus, but I promise the food is good.” He smiles at his mum.

Liam looked sheepish, almost as if he wasn’t used to being invited into other people’s homes. “I’d- I’d like that. Let me just call my mum and ask, okay?”

After the doctor got his wound patched up and reassured Jay he only needs rest and mild painkillers, Louis finally went home, Liam by his side. That night, amidst laughs with Mark, helping Jay clean the kitchen, playing with his sisters, and talking late into the evening about comic books and footie, Liam and Louis became best mates.

 

-.-.-

 

Louis is nursing a lukewarm beer by the time Liam arrives at the pub. It’s loud and crowded; a normal Friday night. A Premier League game between Liverpool and Manchester City is muted on the pub tellies, making the crowd even rowdier than usual. He greets Louis with a hug and a pat on the back, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Hey Lou. Good to see you, been a while.”

Louis peers at Liam in concern. He’s wearing a loose pair of jeans with holes in the knees, and a lumberjack red and blue shirt with a stain on the front. He looks tired and restless, with bags beneath his eyes and a pale tinge to his skin, shoulders slumped under an invisible weight. He hasn’t shaved in what looks like weeks, and while usually a little hair on his face looks good on him, like this it just make him look down in the dumps. Well, at least he hasn’t cut all his hair off yet, as Liam’s known to do when he’s facing emotional crisis. Louis knows right away that something must be terribly wrong, but he decides to proceed with caution. Liam is the kind of person that has to be eased into talking, otherwise he’ll retreat back into his head and mope around.

“Hiya Li. I was just about to get another beer, want one?”

“Yeah, thanks Lou.”

He comes back from the bar, carrying a beer in each hand, and places one in front of Liam. He sits down on the bench next to him while Liam smiles weakly at him. He really does look miserable. Louis is absolutely not going to ask what’s wrong until after the third drink, at least.

“How’s everything?” Liam asks. He has to shout a bit due to the noise in the crowded pub. He takes a sip from his beer and places it down on the table, picking on the label with his fingernails. It is one of his tics, one that he’s prone to do when he’s down.

Louis has only seen Liam like this a handful of times: when he was fifteen and was having trouble with his English class and kept it from Louis, before Louis knew him like the back of his hand and could read his moods; at sixteen, after a huge fight with Ruth; when they were eighteen and were placed in different dorms at uni, and Liam spent a month thinking that Louis was going to find better friends and leave him; when Danielle broke up with him; when his mum got sick the year before.

“Ah well, you know me. Everything is great, as usual,” Louis says, waving his hands around in an overly enthusiastic manner. Then he remembers what prompted him to text Liam earlier. “Actually, that’s not exactly right. Have I told you about Haz? He finally moved out, decided to shack up with Grimshaw!”

“What? He’s moving in with Grimmy? I had no idea.” Finally, a spark of something. Louis is so good at this distracting thing. He’s going to ask Liam to help him find a roommate and keep his mind elsewhere.

“Yeah, he’s all loved up, says it’s time they make a real go at it. It was so fast I didn’t even have time to tell you, and he’s been so over the moon since Nick asked, he’s helpless. Just helped him move out the last of his things today. First it was you, leaving me for Soph, now Haz leaves me for Grim. At least you had better taste, right?” He laughs loudly, not noticing the frown on Liam’s face until he stops. Oh. This is about Sophia, then. 

“Anyway, I’m roommate-less once again. Must be my smelly feet or something.” Liam chuckles a bit at that, which Louis counts as a victory. “I was actually wondering if you could help me with finding a new roommate? There’s no way I can handle the rent on that gigantic flat on my own. Harry’s paid for this month and he says he can help with the next one if I need it, so I have time. But I’ve got no idea how to do this. I always lived either at uni halls, or with you or Haz. I asked around to see if anybody would be interested, but you know how it is, everybody’s either shacked up already or not looking. Could you help me? You were always the responsible one between the two of us, I’m sure you can detect an axe murderer after a 5 minute interview right?”

Liam stays silent. He looks pensive. “Or, if you know anybody, a friend of a friend is always better than a random person answering an ad.” Liam is still not answering. This is not going the way Louis expected. He thought Liam might be excited at the prospect of spending time together, or at least be glad for some sort of distraction. Instead he looks like Louis is giving him an impossible task. Louis places a hand on his shoulder and turns to face him. “Hey Li, it’s okay. If you’re busy or something, I can do it on my own. Or I can ask Haz, it’s the least he could do – “

“I think I might know someone who needs a place to stay,” Liam interrupts.

“That’s great, mate! Who? Someone I know?”

A chorus of shouts can be heard around them. Louis looks up to see that Liverpool has scored, leaving a small group of guys that are wearing blue jerseys chanting and patting each other’s backs. Liam waits until the commotion dies down and takes a deep breath, like he’s preparing to say something he’d rather not. He looks at Louis, a small smile forming. “Me.”

Louis frowns. “What? I don’t understand.”

“Me and Soph have broken up.” He looks down at his beer, probably warm since he hasn’t touched it past that first sip. The label has all been peeled off, except for bits of white that remain attached to the glue on the glass.

“What are you talking about? When, I mean- what?”

“She’s already moved out, I think she’s staying with Eleanor until she finds something more permanent. She’s taking Peter with her, once she finds a place to stay. I can’t afford the flat on my own, as well. I thought about finding a roommate, but… it’s filled with stuff, you know? Stuff we bought together, or memories that we built together. She took all her things, but most of it was ours. And she left them, so. I can’t look at a fucking spatula without remembering something. I have to leave. I just haven’t yet because, you know, it’s been difficult and I haven’t got my head around it. So, if you still want me,” he hesitates, “I’m in. It’ll be just like old times, huh?”

Louis is stunned. He knew that it was probably some sort of fight with Sophia, but not something like this. They’ve been dating for four years and living together for three. There was never any sign that things weren’t going as smoothly as possible, or that Liam wasn’t happy. How could he have missed this? Liam’s his best friend. Louis should have known something was going on.

“Hey, Li. Don’t just brush it off. You can’t just drop this on me and not expect me to ask questions. How the hell did I not know this? How long has this been going on? It can’t have been that long, I just saw the two of you together at Niall’s party a couple of weeks ago looking proper cosy with each other.”

“It’s been about a month. Well, since we officially decided we were over, things haven’t been good for a while. I hadn’t mentioned before because, well- you know me, I’m good at pretending that everything is great, especially to myself,” he sighs dejectedly. “As for Niall’s party, we weren’t ready to tell everybody. She hadn’t moved out at that point and we didn’t want anyone asking stuff, or giving us pitying looks. So we decided to go together as friends. And then we both drank a bit and realised it was probably the last time we were going to be out together, so… I guess some nostalgia kicked in or something.” Liam scrunches his nose and scratches the back of his neck, dislodging Louis’ hand that was still placed in his shoulder. “Not my proudest moment, if I’m being honest.”

Louis doesn’t even know what to say. Liam and Sophia were the real deal, a forever, roses over the door, two-point-four children with a dog kind of couple. They’d known each other for almost as long as Louis had Liam. And while it took them a long time to get to a relationship - especially with them not seeing each other for years when they went to different universities and had other partners along the way - once they did it was like a fairytale ending. _Well, maybe not_. He places his hand a hand on Liam’s knee and gives a comforting pat.

“I’m so sorry, Li.”

“Yeah,” Liam says, looking crestfallen, his head falling down. Louis puts a hand on the back of Liam’s head and pulls him towards his own shoulder. Liam goes without protest.

“What happened?”

Liam exhales. “I’m not really sure, to be honest. It just wasn’t the same. We kept drifting apart until one day we were basically friends who happened to live together and sleep in the same bed. Except for that night after Niall’s party, we didn’t even have sex for months before we decided to call it quits. When she came up to me and asked me if I was truly happy with her, I couldn’t say yes. I loved her so much, still do but- somehow things changed and I don’t know why or how or even when.”

“I’m sorry I never noticed this was going on.”

Liam lifts his head from Louis’ shoulder and grabs for his wrist. He looks determined. “Hey, don’t. It’s not your fault, Lou. I know you’ve always been there when I needed, but I guess this time I needed to process everything on my own, you know? She was right, we weren’t happy anymore. But it still feels like I lost something, like a possible future or something. And that’s hard to wrap your head around, the fact that you’d dreamt this whole life with this person, and in the end it just wasn’t meant to be. You’re a great friend, Lou. But I need to grow up and start to face my life’s problems on my own.” He smiles genuinely as he says this, which lets Louis know that he’s starting to feel better.

“Well, then. Maybe you shouldn’t come live with me. Find someone more sensible and mature to live with and lead the life of a responsible and serious bachelor in his late twenties.” Louis crosses his arms in front of his chest and pouts dramatically, huffing a bit. He can’t help when a little snort comes out though, which sort of spoils the effect.

Liam laughs, and that’s enough to make Louis smile broadly, happy that he was able to get his friend out of his funk a bit. 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Liam says. “I’m sort of glad Harry’s moved out, really. I was starting to wonder what to do, but this is perfect. I missed living with you. We can go back to living in each other’s pockets.”

Louis whoops and hugs Liam tightly to his chest. “It’s going to be awesome, just wait and see. The Tommo and Payno, back together to raise terror through all of London.”

Liam pulls back and squints his eyes at him. “Are you still as horribly messy as you were a few years ago?”

Louis makes an indignant sound and slaps Liam’s shoulder. “How very dare you? I’m offended that you’d think that. I am much more mature now. So much has changed in these three years, you’re going to be impressed.”

“It’s still exactly the same, right.”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

 

-.-.-

 

It takes Liam about a week to move in. With all the stuff he has to give away or get rid of, it’s a lot of work. Even though Harry’s former bedroom is free for the taking, Liam stays in his old flat during that week, always giving poor excuses as to why he can’t come back to Louis’, things like _I can’t leave the flat like this_ , or _I have Peter today, Soph’s getting him tomorrow_ , or even _I’m too tired to drive there now, Lou_ , when it’s only a ten minute drive.

Louis gets it. Even if he isn’t in love with Sophia anymore, Liam needs to mourn the loss of his four year relationship. He needs to deal with it in his own way, which might not be how Louis would go about it, but it is how it is. Not that Louis would know much about it, since his longest relationship lasted just under a year, and that still felt like an eternity. But he gets it.

It’s Wednesday, and he’s making dinner for one. Well, dinner might be a generous description of what he’s currently got on the hob. He’s boiling a mix of frozen veggies Harry’s left behind and frying a single piece of bacon that was hidden behind a six pack of beer in the fridge. At least it’s healthy, right? There’s vegetables, so it must be.

He tried to convince Liam to come over once again, was even going to go to Asda to stock his pantry and do something more elaborate, but Liam bowed out, claiming he had leftovers that’d be spoiled by tomorrow and _I just can’t let food go to waste, do you know how many children are starving in the world?_ That one was particularly good. Louis let him be.

Louis is just getting his food on a plate when he feels his phone vibrate in the pocket of his joggers. He heads for the sofa and sits down, flicking on the telly before checking his messages.

_So, how’s the roommate search going? Have you put an ad on craigslist?_

Oh, right. He hasn’t even told Harry about Liam moving in. Between the production meetings he’s been to these last few days at the BBC, due to the new show he’s hosting on Radio 1 starting that Saturday - in addition to the daily afternoon time slot he’s been doing for the past two years - and helping Liam start to pack his stuff, he completely forgot.

_Craigslist? Who do you take me for? I have more class than that. Also, I already have a roommate._

Louis leans back against the sofa, grabbing his plate and the fork. It’s not that bad. At least he can survive on his own now. Long gone are the days when he almost burned his and Liam’s first flat down making toast. If Harry’s taught him one thing while they were living together, it was how to cook a few simple meals without destroying the kitchen. Even his mum was impressed last time he went home for a visit.

He feels his phone buzz after a couple of minutes. _Class? You and I both know you have as much class as Niall’s middle finger. So, already? Someone we know was looking?_

_Actually, yes. I don’t think he’s told you, but I guess it’s not a secret. Liam and Sophia broke up, so he’s moving in._

It takes Harry a while to answer. Louis finishes eating, gets up, and takes the plate and fork to the kitchen. He quickly washes them up – _See, Liam, not that messy anymore!_ – and leaves them to air dry. He settles on the sofa again and browses the channels for something to watch, eventually settling on an old episode of _Friends_ , before his phone vibrates with a call.

“Hey, Hazza. To what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your fine voice this evening?”

“Hi, Lou.” Harry sighs and pauses before continuing. “So, Liam, huh?”

“Yeah, he’s pretty torn up about it. Apparently things have been bad for a while, but they were trying to make it work. Had no idea that was going on.”

“Me neither. They seemed happy? I don’t know, sometimes Li’s hard to read. I figure if someone would suspect it, it’d be you.”

Louis feels guilt swell up again in his chest. His best friend was going through a rough time and Louis didn’t even know he was miserable. He tries to justify to himself that it’s just adult life: it’s harder to know what your friends are going through when you don’t see each other every day and have work and bills and millions of other things going on. It’s Liam, though. 

“Yeah, I know, I felt terrible when he told me. I should’ve known something was up. He says it’s okay, though. Seems like they fizzled out, or something. It was by mutual agreement. I’m hoping now that he’s moving in, I can cheer him up a bit.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, though?” Harry says.

“What do you mean?”

He hears Harry whisper _I’ll be right back, love_ , and a few seconds later, a door closing. He must have gone to the bedroom to get some privacy. Louis appreciates it. Not that he would mind Nick listening in, it’s not like they aren’t friends as well, but it’s good to know that some things are still his and Harry’s.

“I know he’s your best mate, Lou, but are you sure Liam moving in again is a good idea?”

Louis thinks he knows what Harry’s getting at. So, as usual, he tries to deflect. “You’re my best mate as well, Harold.”

Harry huffs and makes a knowing sound, which means Louis can’t fool him for a second. “I know I am. But he’s like your bestest mate, or something.” Louis lies down sideways on the sofa, and waits for what he knows is coming from Harry. “Last time-”

“Last time was a long time ago, Harry.”

“I know. I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

Louis frowns. He feels a headache coming on. “I wasn’t _hurt_ the last time.”

“Yeah, right. You were miserable when he left.”

“I wasn’t _miserable_ -”

“Lou… You know that the reason Greg broke up with you was because he thought you cared more about Liam than him. Which, you know, was actually true,” Harry says. He sounds exasperated, same as he sounds anytime he tries to knock some sense into Louis. Particularly when it comes to Liam.

“Of course I cared more about Liam! I’ve known him since we were kids. We’ve been through a lot together.”

Louis feels like he had this conversation before, actually. It was pretty much what he said to Greg when he confronted him. Greg offered Louis a set of keys to his house after Liam moved out, thinking that since he and Sophia were taking that step, they could too, as their relationship was almost one year old as well. When Louis dismissed him, saying he wasn’t ready, Greg lashed out, and it wasn’t pretty. They fought, and Greg confirmed that he felt second best next to Liam, something Louis couldn’t deny. After that, Greg left, slamming the door on his way out and they haven’t spoken since, except for polite hellos when they pass each other at the BBC corridors or at public outings they’re both obliged to be at.

“Lou. Are we seriously having this conversation again?” Harry pauses, and Louis knows he must be biting his lip. When Louis doesn’t respond, he continues. “We both know that your feelings for Liam haven’t always been platonic. I’m worried about you, that’s all. Maybe you should consider living alone, find a smaller flat. Aren’t you getting a raise?”

“Look, I get where you’re coming from, I do. And I appreciate that, truly. But that was ages ago, I’m over that. He’s my mate, and he needs me, I’m not just going to ditch him and say I’ve changed my mind.”

He hears rustling and he assumes Harry is settling down in his bed. Nick’s bed. Louis doesn’t know what to say to him. Deep down, he knows Harry’s right. He was there for the fallout of Liam moving out three years ago, and Louis’ break up with Greg. Louis couldn’t pretend he didn’t have feelings for Liam, even if he couldn’t put a name to them. Harry was there when Louis tried to make plans with Liam, only to find it increasingly difficult to find free time away from Sophia. Harry was there when Louis started having casual hook ups every other day to try and cope with something he wouldn’t acknowledge, and he was there when Louis finally admitted his long-held and impossible infatuation for Liam, who’d never given any indication that he was anything less than completely straight. Harry helped him get over it. Sort of. Liam was always off limits, and Louis learned to live with it.

“You were always too selfless for your own good, even if you won’t admit it.” Harry says, his voice slowing down to his normal sluggish cadence, and Louis can hear the smile in it.

“Am I? I’m not so sure.”

He was happy about the prospect of living with Liam again, the two of them against the world. Now he’s not so sure if he made the right call. Even if his feelings for Liam have subsided over the years, he can’t deny that Harry’s made a good point. Maybe he should let some sort of self-preservation kick in.

The thing is… he feels like he’s over his crush, he really does. It took a while to put it behind him, especially after Liam left, because he felt abandoned by his best mate. But Louis’ older now, and had found himself in a place where he could be happy for Liam and Sophia. He tells Harry as much.

“I believe you, Louis. It’s just- He’ll move out again eventually, you know? Liam’s a serial monogamist, he won’t be alone for long.” Louis can hear what Harry isn’t saying. _He’ll leave you again_ and _are you going to be able to pick up the pieces then_. He’s just too nice to say it like that. “He’s one of my best mates as well, and I love him to bits, but he’s a bit oblivious sometimes. He never even noticed how you got after he left. And as much as I believe you’re over it, the fact is you haven’t had a serious relationship since Greg.”

“He might’ve touched a nerve before he left. But that’s in the past. I haven’t had a relationship because I haven’t found anyone. I’m still young and available and for now I’m just trying to enjoy life. You know me, I can’t be tamed,” he laughs. He hears Harry giggle as well, and feels the tension break. “Haz? Thanks for worrying about me. You treat me better than I deserve.”

“You deserve only the best. Just be careful? Come and whine at me and Nick whenever you feel like it, okay?”

“I’ll do that. But I think everything will be fine. We’re all grown-ups now. Look at you, almost married to Grimmy. Harry- _The-Flirt_ -Styles, who knew? I bet all those models you photograph are crying right this moment.”

“Definitely. But that’s me, always breaking hearts,” Harry snorts. “Hey, Lou? Why is six afraid of seven?”

“Oh god, H. I’m scared to even ask.”

“Because seven ate nine. Do you get it? Because ate sounds like eight...”

Louis can’t help but chuckle. “You’re terrible, H. I don’t even know why I’m friends with you.”

“Must be because I’m fit, then. Are we still on for tomorrow at the pub?”

“Sure thing. See you tomorrow, Haz.”

“Bye Lou. Take care of yourself.”

After another round of goodbyes, Louis disconnects the call. He feels restless, like something’s not quite right. He decides to go to bed early, since he has to be at the studios tomorrow at the ungodly hour of eight in the morning for another meeting. He doesn’t know how Nick does it. Before he gets up, he texts Liam:

_Hey. I hope you don’t mind, but I told Haz about you and Soph. He asked if I had a roommate yet and I didn’t think you’d mind. Didn’t get into details, though._

He’s already in bed, teeth brushed and in his pyjama bottoms, by the time Liam responds. _It’s ok. When I move in people will start to ask questions. Already told Z, too._

Louis lies back and closes his eyes. Harry’s got a point, but it’s not like he still fancies Liam. He’s an adult, for god’s sake. Yet he can’t help if a part of him will always feel a special fondness for Liam. He doesn’t even now when he started feeling more, but it happened. And sometimes it can be difficult to separate things in his head, he won’t deny that. But he’ll have to.

He and Liam are going to live together again, and it’s going to be fun, just like old times. He keeps telling himself that, like a mantra, until he falls asleep.

 

-.-.-

 

The week after, Louis finally gets Liam to move in. Between the two of them they get all of Liam’s stuff into his car in fifteen minutes. It strikes Louis as odd - and a bit sad, maybe - how Liam’s things can be basically stuffed into two medium sized card boxes, while Harry’s took the both of them coming up and down the stairs several times, and a total of three car rides to get them all out (Louis isn’t sure that there aren’t some of Harry’s things still hidden around the flat). Yes, Harry might be bit of a hoarder and was never good at getting rid of things that don’t really matter ( _I’m not throwing my tiny Buddha statue out, Louis. It might be protecting us or something! You don’t want to anger the universe, do you?_ ), but shouldn’t Liam have more stuff, after living for three years with the woman he thought he was going to marry? Whether Sophia took most things with her or Liam threw them out, Louis doesn’t want to ask. He wants Liam to have a clean slate to start over.

All in all, besides his clothes, Liam has a few DVDs and books, some pictures of his family and friends, his laptop and, oddly enough, a few kitchen appliances. It’s strange, at least to Louis, how three years of your life can be summed up in a suitcase and a couple of boxes. But what does he know about it?

The first few days together are, for lack of a better word, _weird_. It’s not like Louis expected them to be the same as before Liam moved out, but still. It’s as if they need to get used to each other all over again. They might’ve grown up a bit since the last time they lived together, but in all the ways that matter, they’re essentially unchanged.

While it’s generally great to live together again because their familiarity makes it easier to move around each other, Louis had forgotten all the little things that had always irritated him about Liam. Like his weird fixation with organizing stuff. They have their first fight just two days in, when Louis comes home after his show is finished, ready for a soothing, piping hot cup of Yorkshire tea, only to find that all his kitchen cupboards have been rearranged and nothing’s where he’s last left it.

He slams a few cabinet doors until he hears Liam come into the kitchen. “The fuck, Liam? What the hell? Where’s my tea?”

“Uh- On the counter? That box next to the coffee machine?”

Louis looks down to the counter, where a wooden rectangular box labelled with _Tea_ in bold, gold letters over a dark red background rests next to the coffee machine, just as Liam’s said. It looks cute and vintage, the sort of thing Harry would buy, but he’s never seen it before. “Hazza gave me that ages ago, thought it would look nice,” Liam says sheepishly.

It does look nice, but Louis sort of loses it. “Look, Li. That was very kind of you, thanks. But what the hell did you do to my cupboards? Everything’s out of place.”

Liam frowns at Louis, his eyebrows pushing together, a little line appearing on his forehead. “Our cupboards. And, well, everything was out of order.”

“Liam,” Louis snaps. He knows he’s overreacting, but he can’t help it. He’s been stressed lately, and he knows, _he knows_ , that he has a tendency to snap when that happens. It’s been a while since Liam’s been his target, though. “You can’t just come in here and change whatever you want. You should have asked me first!”

Liam crosses his arms in front of his chest, his posture defensive. Louis knows that look: Liam’s mad now. “I thought you’d be happy that I organized things a bit! All your stuff was just thrown into the cupboards without any sort of organization. I live here too now. And canned beans should not be stored next to dishwasher detergent!”

“Haz never complained about my organizing skills!” Both their voices are raised now.

“Well, maybe you should ask him to come back, then,” Liam huffs, sounding dejected. He turns around and stomps to his room, not quite slamming his door.

Louis looks around, not knowing exactly how he feels. _What just happened?_ Did they really fight about some cupboards? Louis sighs. He knows he’s done it again. His short temper’s at an all-time high, and Liam doesn’t deserve to get shouted at for doing something nice. It’s just- he can’t stop thinking about what Harry said. _I just don’t want you to get hurt again_. Louis won’t, he knows that, but part of him couldn’t help but lash out at Liam, almost like he’s trying to keep his distance, build his walls up.

 _That’s a dick move, Tomlinson_. It’s not Liam’s fault if Louis can’t control his feelings. They’re best mates, and Louis is prepared to do anything to protect that.

He puts the kettle on to make them both tea. He takes his mug out of the cupboard and notices that next to it now sits a mug that he hadn’t seen in years. It has a picture of a small Jack Russell puppy, face looking up, big eyes popping out in a way that always vaguely reminded him of Liam, which was why Louis bought it for him several years ago when they first moved in together as a housewarming gift. He smiles, a warm feeling spreading through his chest, giddiness blooming at the thought of Liam keeping his gift even after all these years, stacked between all the stylish and perfectly matched cups and mugs Sophia collected for them.

He opens Liam’s box to find all his tea perfectly organized, the Yorkshire bags he prefers for himself taking half of the space, while the Earl Grey Liam favours takes just a few rows, amongst the green tea Harry likes, and the camomile bags Louis keeps for when his mum or Lottie visit. He smiles to himself and feels like an idiot.

Once their tea is ready, he tip-toes towards Liam’s room, his socked feet making barely any sound in the corridor. He raps his knuckles against the door and murmurs, “Hey, Li? Open the door, please? I made tea. Stupidly sweet, just as you like it.”

He waits in silence, trying to not push Liam. He hears a sigh, and a few seconds later the door opens, just an inch. He pushes the rest back with his foot and enters the room. Liam is sitting on his bed, back against the headboard, laptop on his lap. Louis hadn’t been to Liam’s room since he moved in and is just now spotting the stark difference to when Harry was in it. Instead of the mess of trinkets and weird art and barely organized vinyl records, Liam’s room has almost no stuff in it. The bookshelf is nearly empty, with just a few comic books dispersed through the shelves. He has a small sound system to connect his iPod on his desk, a few candles on his bedside table, and that’s mostly it.

Louis notices that there’s a cork board above Liam’s desk filled with pictures held up with red and blue pins. Louis doesn’t remember seeing it when he helped Liam pack, so he guesses it must be new. He approaches it, perusing the photos.

There’s a lot of Liam and him together when they were younger and baby-faced; one Louis remembers his mum took after his debut as Danny, his hair still filled with gunk, wearing a fake leather jacket and with Liam’s arm around him, their smiles blinding the camera, just months after they became friends. There’s the one they took after Liam won the cross country championship held at their school during sixth form, sweaty and tired, holding the small medal wrapped around his neck while Louis looked at him proudly. There’s loads more from their time at Uni, and with the boys: Liam, Louis and Zayn at a comic book convention, Liam and Niall at Old Trafford during a Man United-Derby match, Liam and Harry at the small coffee shop they used to work in, the five of them just having a laugh at a pub. Louis looks at their life, summed up in these pictures, and wonders when things started to change for him. When did his feelings go from fondness for a chubby faced, bowl haired, shy boy, to _something_ for this kind, brave and giving - and fit - man.

Louis also notices there’s a few pictures of Liam’s family, mostly of his sisters, interspersed between the others. Pictures of his parents sit in old picture frames on the bookshelf, almost like they deserve their own space. Louis even spies a photo of Liam holding both Doris and Ernest, one balanced in each arm, his face soft looking at the babies, and something melts in Louis’ chest. Right next to it, though, is a snap of Liam and Sophia, both of them beautiful in formal attire, arms around each other and smiling contently at the camera. Louis remembers taking this picture – they were at one of his first BBC parties as a Radio 1 employee, and he was still dating Greg at the time. He remembers watching Liam and Sophia swaying together on the dance floor, eyes for each other only, and something squeezing at his chest, something he couldn’t define to himself yet. The photo is pinned on the lower right side of the board, its corners on top of all the others around it, almost as if it was placed last, as if Liam maybe wasn’t sure if he should put it there or not. But he did.

Louis feels the skin at the back of his neck prickle and knows right away that Liam’s watching him, so he puts the puppy mug down on the small bedside table and sits on the bed at Liam’s feet.

Liam looks mopey, but he closes his laptop and reaches for his mug. When he looks at it, a little smile pushes at the corners of his mouth, and Louis knows they’re okay.

“I didn’t know you still had that mug.”

Liam sips quietly. “It’s my favourite. Also, tea’s perfect. You remembered.”

“Of course,” Louis mumbles. He places a hand gently on Liam’s ankle where it’s peeking from his jogging bottoms, almost afraid to spook him. “I’m really sorry, Li. Didn’t mean to snap. I’ve just been really stressed with the new show and all the extra work-”

“No, no, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, you were right,” Liam says, fiddling with the bottom of his t-shirt.

“Hey, no. I should thank you, actually. The kitchen was definitely in need of a bit of tidying,” he snickers. “You know me, I’m a twat. I didn’t mean to- I don’t wish Harry was here instead of you, I hope you know that.”

“I know. I overreacted a little. I guess I’m still a bit- unsettled? Maybe? I don’t know.” Liam shakes his head, frowning at himself. Louis is once again reminded why he thought the Jack Russell looked like Liam.

“That’s to be expected. It’s a big change.”

Liam smiles at him, his eyes twinkling and his face relaxed. He looks so beautiful and unreachable at the same time. Louis’ stomach lurches. _Control yourself._

They finish their tea and decide to watch a movie together, just like that, sitting on Liam’s bed with his laptop balanced between the both of them. After a couple of hours, the fight’s gone and forgotten. They were never the type of people to hold grudges against each other, and fights usually ended after a FIFA match or a movie.

After that, things are better. It’s almost like they needed to vent it out to start the whole ‘living together properly’ thing. They still bicker occasionally ( _I just don’t understand how someone so obsessed with organizing shit can just leave his sweaty pants and shirt on the bathroom floor, Li!_ – to which Liam had replied _I just didn’t want to leave the hamper smelling! I was going to do the laundry later anyway_ ), but it’s mostly just banter and laughs. Over the next few weeks, things are relaxed between them. Louis is relieved – he hasn’t felt overwhelmed, and his talk with Harry sits mostly at the back of his mind. He feels like he can do this: be mates with Liam without anything attached to it. No hard feelings, honestly.

Except. Except Louis might be a little bit in denial.

 

-.-.-

 

“Honey, I’m home!” Louis shouts, as he bangs the door of the flat shut. He doesn’t hear any answer, so he takes off his shoes and his coat, places it on the hanger by the door, and pads towards the corridor, hoping to find Liam.

Just as he’s looking inside Liam’s room, the door to the bathroom opens to reveal Liam. An almost naked Liam. A wet, freshly showered, almost naked Liam, his bits covered by a small towel. Like the smallest towel ever, it’s not even a proper towel, it’s more like a flannel. It leaves almost nothing to the imagination.

Louis is having trouble breathing. Liam looks- he looks fit. It’s been so long since they shared a living space, so Louis doesn’t even remember the last time he saw Liam this… naked. He knew, objectively, that since Liam got his job as a PE teacher he must’ve been working out regularly, but Louis never considered this. There’s just so much skin everywhere. His biceps are huge, flexing nervously when he sees Louis looking. Water drops fall from his hair and slowly, slowly glide down his chest. His nipples are dark and hard, probably due to the cold air hitting his wet skin. His stomach is defined, nothing like Louis’ own tummy that’s a bit soft and prominent. Louis finds himself thinking he wouldn’t mind following those water drops with his tongue, down Liam’s happy trail and lower. His thighs are thick and heavy and, once again, Louis can’t help but wish they were wrapped around his waist right this instant, Liam’s calves pressing into his bum.

 _Okay, that’s enough_. Louis gulps. “Did all the towels run away to Manchester or something?”

Liam blushes, pushing his hair out of his face, the wetness making it heavy. “I put them in the washer before and forgot to take new ones from the cabinet before I got in the shower.” He smirks, teasingly, almost as if he knows what he’s doing to Louis. “I heard you come in, so I decided to show a bit of decorum, otherwise I would’ve come out naked.”

Louis tries to look at Liam’s face. It’s difficult, to say the least. Liam’s being very distracting. “Well, it’s not like that- _thing_ is hiding much, you slag.”

Liam laughs enthusiastically, which only makes him look even fitter. _God, what did I ever do to deserve such punishment?_ Fortunately, his despair doesn’t register with Liam. “You know you like it,” he says, winking. Liam’s the devil incarnate, that’s the only explanation. He moves around Louis and into his room. “I’m just getting dressed and then we can order in. Any preferences?”

“You choose. I think I’ll have a shower as well.”

Liam smiles and closes the door to his room, leaving Louis flushed and out of sorts in the middle of the corridor. Okay, that happened. Liam’s fit, Louis is attracted to him. That’s perfectly normal, right? Right.

Louis slowly starts to come to himself and only now notices he’s sporting a semi in his jeans. Thankfully they’re so tight his dick can’t move in them, so Liam probably didn’t notice. Probably. Louis hopes.

He takes a set of towels from the cabinet down the hall and hangs them in the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He undresses slowly, hissing with relief when he unbuttons his jeans, and gets in the shower, turning the water as hot as he can. The bathroom fills with steam almost immediately. The pressure of the water on his shoulders does little to relax him, and he ends up jerking off, quickly and efficiently, trying to chase the stress away. He tries very hard to think random thoughts about random hot men, but he can’t help when thoughts of a naked and wet Liam flutter into his mind, almost like he’s inside the shower stall with Louis, holding him, caressing him. Louis bites his lip, trying to contain his moans so Liam doesn’t hear, but he can’t avoid the small sound he makes on an exhale when he flicks his hand _just right_. It’s the image of Liam’s arms, picking him up and slamming him forcefully into the tiles, that makes Louis come embarrassingly quickly.

Louis breathes slowly, trying to calm his racing heart. He pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes, hoping to miraculously erase the images now tattooed into his brain.

He thought he’d feel better once that was over and done with, but he doesn’t. He just feels embarrassed and on edge, questions running wildly on his mind. He stays in the shower until the water runs cold, thinking _how the hell am I supposed to survive this?_

 

-.-.-

 

Louis survives the month, somehow. To commemorate the victory, he takes the opportunity to invite the lads around for a few beers and their customary 5-way FIFA championship. Nowadays it’s increasingly difficult to get them all together in the same _city_ , never mind in the same flat on the same day. Harry is usually trotting all over the world doing photo shoots (while, coincidentally, Nick mopes to the whole nation on the Breakfast Show), Niall is typically going back and forth to Ireland taking care of his father’s pub business, and when Zayn isn’t at home writing for the art magazine he works for, he’s either exhibiting his own pieces all over the country in outdoor fairs, or following his popstar wife.

It’s funny that even though their group of friends had grown from the time, Louis and Liam were always the constant, lives orbiting around each other. Liam was never that keen on traveling and is at his best when surrounded by children, which means his job as teacher fits him like a glove and puts a smile on his face every day. Louis, well, Louis never really knew what he wanted. He half-arsed his degree in Media Communications at Uni, not knowing what he was doing with it, and by a stroke of sheer luck during the last year of his degree he got an internship at BBC Radio 1, where his charm and wit eventually got him a position as Nick’s assistant producer during the old night time show. The rest is history, as they say. When Nick moved to Breakfast, Louis moved to Scott Mills show, where his increasing popularity made it possible for him to helm the show once Scott moved on to a permanent TV slot. It’s not that Louis doesn’t love his job, he does. But everything sort of fell into his lap, if he’s honest with himself. He works hard when he wants something, but this path in his career always came naturally. And he never regretted it.

The boys start to arrive one by one for lads’ night. They all greet each other with hugs and pats on the back, and Louis is pleased to see all of them together once again. After they catch up a bit over tea, finding out what everyone’s been doing, they end up settling in front of the telly – Zayn, Harry and Niall on the big sofa, Liam sitting on the smaller one, with Louis on the ground leaning back between Liam’s legs. They start on their traditional round of FIFA, Louis and Niall drawing the first slots to play.

While they are furiously playing, Niall shouting nonsense at the telly, Zayn turns to Harry, asking him: “How has it been, living with Grimmy? Any fights, or is it all sunshine and rainbows?”

“Yeah, it’s been- it’s been great.” Harry smiles like a lovesick puppy. Sometimes Louis envies him- he wishes he knew how it felt to love and be loved like that. “I spend so much time out of London that, you know, it helps, getting back home to him.”

All the boys smirk. On the screen, Louis has just scored a goal against Niall. Liam is the first to speak up. “Aw, Haz. Have you booked the wedding yet?”

Harry’s eyes squint, his face taking a mock outraged expression. “Excuse me, Liam. Are you mocking me?”

Liam giggles, his eyes crinkling in the corner and small laugh lines appearing. It’s completely impossible to ever be mad at him. “Of course not, H. I’m just curious about something.” He pauses for effect, his expression turning serious. “Who are you going to pick as your best man?”

Niall pauses the game and everyone looks at Harry simultaneously. Louis is having trouble holding back from laughing at Harry’s face: his eyes are bulging and his mouth is open. He looks like a deer caught in the headlights. He starts to splutter, “Well, I guess- I don’t know, I’d have to think about it-“

“You’d have to think about it? C’mon, I think the choice is obvious, it should definitely be me!” Louis says, his voice confident.

“Why the fuck is that?” Niall cries with his mouth filled with crisps. Crumbs fly out onto the carpet.

“First of all, that’s disgusting, Horan. You’d think that age and responsibility had made you less of a slobbering mess-” He hears Liam snicker next to him and can almost hear him thinking _pot, meet kettle_. He looks up at Liam and pinches his nipple, hearing him hiss. “Shush, Payne. Second, I introduced them! If it wasn’t for me, there would be no wedding.”

“Well, I caught them shagging like four times. I should be awarded for the extensive scarring on my brain.” Niall fake shudders while all the boys laugh. Harry blushes a violent red but at the same time smirks knowingly, his face not showing any kind of remorse. Louis yells, “Well, unfortunately, all of us went through that experience, so that doesn’t give you best man rights!” Niall almost drops to the floor, his body shaking with exaggerated chortles. Louis feels himself lean his head into Liam’s knee almost involuntarily, and a hand comes up to the curve of his shoulder to his neck. He relaxes immediately and feels so happy, laughing with his boys.

When they quiet down, Liam quips, “Well, I helped you on your first proper date, remember? Helped you pick the restaurant, went shopping with you for a little gift, even let you borrow my cologne because you said you wanted to smell like a real man. So, really, all in all, if it wasn’t for me…”

“I still maintain that if it wasn’t for me they wouldn’t even know each other, so…” Louis makes a flourish with his hands, as if to say there’s only one obvious conclusion to that sentence.

Harry looks at Zayn then, who’s mostly been quiet during their exchange, and asks, “What about you, Z? Don’t you have a best man pitch?”

Zayn rubs his chin, contemplating. “It’s not even a competition. I’m the only one who’s married and knows what it’s like. I’m the only possible best man.”

They all chuckle again. Harry, sitting between Zayn and Niall, pats both of their knees comfortingly. “Okay, guys. Calm yourselves down. It’s still way too early to be talking about this. I don’t even think Nick’s- well, it seems like he’s probably not that into it? Marriage, I mean.”

Louis reaches forward to pat his leg. “Haz, honestly. If you think that Grim wouldn’t do whatever the fuck he needed to make you happy, you’re wrong. I’ve never seen someone look like such a lovesick twat while trying to be nonchalant about it. The whole fucking _nation_ knows how much he cares for you.”

Harry’s head drops, his face lighting up once again. It’s adorable. Of course, Niall has to ruin a perfectly heartfelt moment with, “Yeah, his boner for you can be seen from space, mate.”

Harry punches Niall’s arm and he yells _what_. Louis’ stomach hurts from laughing so much. He looks at Zayn and sees him discreetly wiping under his eyes, eyes watering from the laughter.

“What about you two?” Niall suddenly asks, looking at Liam and Louis.

“What about us?”

“You’re already all domestic and stuff, you’re as good as married, for all intents and purposes,” he snorts. Louis knows Niall doesn’t mean anything, that he’s just having a laugh, but he feels himself freeze instantaneously, a cold feeling settling in his stomach and dread climbing up his spine. Liam’s hand, still placed in his shoulder, has been absentmindedly petting his neck, his thumb pressing circles into Louis’ skin. It now feels like hot iron burning through him.

He notices Liam is chuckling softly. “Yeah, that’s not far from the truth.”

“Do you remember when we were at Uni, boys? These two were always attached at the hip, we couldn’t find one without the other.”

Zayn smiles honestly. “Yeah, I do. Never seen anything like that before. I remember thinking you were together when we met. I think back then everyone did!”

Louis stiffens. Sweat breaks out on his lower back and he instantly feels nauseous. Why are they talking about this? Surely no one knows about Louis’ feelings other than Harry. Louis looks up at him, only to find Harry already looking back knowingly. Liam’s laughing, and Louis suddenly wishes that he was anywhere else in the world rather than here.

“We were always a bit cuddly, weren’t we, Lou? We’ve just known each other for such a long time, we’re like brothers,” Liam answers. He makes a sound at the end, like a wince, and his voice sounds off, but both of his hands settle on Louis shoulders squeezing slightly, comforting. Louis must be hearing things, then.

After taking a deep breath, Louis feels all the air punch out of his lungs at once. He tries to calm himself down, _c’mon Louis, nothing you haven’t heard before_ , and when he meets Harry’s eyes, all he sees is pity and kindness. This makes him angry, suddenly. He snickers loudly, faking his way out of this conversation, as one does. “Ah, yes! Totally, brothers! I did try to make Liam come to the dark side, but he wouldn’t have any of it. Straight as an arrow this one, right mate?” He looks up at Liam to see him smiling weakly, looking a bit tense. He must’ve caught Louis’ fidgetiness. The other boys snicker, though, so they probably bought Louis’ attempt at deflecting. “I’m going to piss, be right back.” He bolts from the room and heads for the loo.

As soon as he’s behind closed doors, he takes a deep breath, calming himself down. Why is he feeling so out of sorts? It’s just banter, they’re having a laugh. Of course there’d be people assuming they were together. With Louis being openly gay and Liam never thinking twice before being affectionate with his best mate, it could be misleading to someone from the outside.

Louis vividly remembers when they met Zayn. He and Liam had gone to a student art exhibition during their second year at Uni after a lot of whining and insisting done by Harry, who was also showing some of his work in photography. Liam had broken up with Danielle a few weeks before, the distance finally taking its toll on them, and was particularly clingy and mopey that day.

He remembers being in awe of a particular section of the exhibition, the art a mixture of street modern and classic, bright vivid colours filling the canvas in a cool and exciting way. There was a lot of fuss around this exquisite looking, handsome guy. From the way he was pointing at one of the paintings and gesticulating animatedly, he was probably the painter. He had this air about him of mystery and coolness, brought on by his high cheekbones and discreet smile, tattoos peeking out from the collar and sleeves of his shirt. His hair was shaved on both sides and tied on the top of his head, and he just looked effortless. Louis knew he wanted to meet him right away.

He grabbed Liam and made for the guy, extending his hand. “Hi, I’m Louis. Is this your art?”

The guy shook Louis’ hand timidly. He looked nervous and shy up close, like he wasn’t used to so much attention. “Yes. I’m Zayn, by the way. And you-,” Zayn asked, looking towards Liam, who was paralyzed, his arm around Louis’ waist.

“Oh, I’m Liam, sorry. Your stuff- it’s amazing, really.”

“Really Liam, stuff? Could you be more eloquent,” Louis said, making a grab for Liam’s nipple. He was ready though, and grabbed Louis’ wrist before his hand could get to its destination. Liam didn’t let go and they ended up holding hands a bit. “Yeah, just wanted to tell your art’s really cool. Love the, uh- colours and shapes, yeah?”

“Because that was so much better. You donut,” Liam mumbled.

Zayn beamed, his face lighting up, head tilted up to the side approvingly. He looked like a different person when he smiled, not that distant. Just a normal bloke, really. “You guys look really good together,” he said.

Louis snorted. He looked over at Liam and saw, by his confused face, that he didn’t understand what Zayn was getting at. He really was oblivious, in a cute sort of way. Louis, in an attempt to save them some embarrassment, tried to deflect. “We’re a couple of handsome blokes, aren’t we?” Maybe Louis could flirt a little, see where that led. Zayn was certainly good looking, Louis could definitely get on board with _that_.

“No, I mean- You seem like a cool couple.”

There was a moment of silence, almost like they were letting it sink in, before Liam looked at Louis, his eyes popping out of their sockets and mouth trembling, and they both started to laugh uncontrollably. Everybody around the gallery looked at them like they were crazy.

“You really think- Oh my god, seriously,” Louis said between gulps of hair.

Zayn seemed closed off and shy again. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to assume-”

“No, that’s okay, really. We get that a lot. Like, _a lot_ ,” Liam interrupted, his face friendly.

“What do you mean, a lot?” Louis enquired, curious, looking over at Liam.

“People keep asking me if we’re together, actually.”

Louis remembers thinking that was funny, at the time. Liam was his best mate; why people would think they were together was beyond him. “We’re just really good friends, mate. Have been for a long time.”

“Sorry again. You just have like this weird chemistry thing going on,” Zayn mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. The smile was back on his face, and he looked at them in friendliness, even if it had a touch of _you’re crazy_ underneath.

“No worries, mate. Liam doesn’t even play in the same team as me, so. No hope there.”

Liam put his arm around Louis shoulder and smirked fondly at him. “You know that if I ever change my mind, though, I’ll always come to you first, babe.”

“You better.” No wonder people would assume things, they were definitely weird.

After talking a bit with Zayn, they ended up at a pub, sharing stories over a few pints. Harry joined them later in the evening and they bonded over their shared love of art, football and music. They were all fast friends from then on.

Louis thinks back on it, about how, at the time, he didn’t think too much of it. Did he look smitten, even then? Even before he knew or suspected? Could Zayn see something in him that he couldn’t? Could everybody else?

He splashes cold water from the tap into his face, trying to clear his thoughts. There’s no use in dwelling on this. He’s happy as he is, Liam by his side as his mate, just like it’s always been. He just needs to relax a bit, or he’ll end up betraying himself, and that’s the last thing he wants. It would just make everything awkward, and that’s a big _no no_.

He hears a soft knock on the door. “Hey, Lou. You okay in there?”

Thank god it’s Harry. It means he’ll have a few more minutes to compose himself before facing Liam. “Just fine, Haz. I’ll be right out.”

He opens the door to find Harry leaning against the door to his old bedroom - now Liam’s - his arms crossed in front of his chest and hair falling out from the bun on top of his head. He’s looking at Louis, his posture clearly showing that Louis isn’t fooling him for a second. He hears the other boys shouting, and from what they’re saying it seems they are back to playing, completely distracted. He drags Harry into his room and closes the door, slow and quiet so the others can’t hear. He sits on the bed and waits for Harry to speak.

“You lied to me.”

Louis sighs. “What do you mean?”

Harry walks up to him and picks up Louis’ pyjama bottoms that are discarded on top of the bed, folding them gently and hanging them on the back of the desk chair. He sits next to Louis, placing a careful, almost comforting hand on his thigh.

“You said- you said you were over him.”

At that moment, Louis feels like a disappointment. He can’t even do this for himself. He can’t let this go. He whines and places his face on his hands, his voice sounding muffled through them. “I thought I was? Or, I think I am? But sometimes, I just- I can’t-”

“Hey Lou, c’mon. Look at me.” He takes Louis’ wrists in his massive hands and pulls them out of his face, forcing Louis to look at him. “You have to stop this. You’ll drive yourself up the wall.”

Louis looks at his lap and doesn’t answer. His mind is a swirl of feelings, pushing in different directions, black and blue twisting amongst the fogginess filling his brain. The four beers he had are not helping, churning low on his stomach and making him dizzy. _This has to stop._

“Lou…”

“How do I make it stop?” Louis asks, looking pleadingly into Harry’s green eyes.

“I’m not sure I’m the best person to answer that? I never,” he mutters and pauses considering his words. Louis hears what he’s not saying, _I never had my heart broken, I’ve only ever been in love once_. “Maybe you should start dating again? Like proper dating, not fucking around.”

Louis _hates_ dating. He’s only really had two serious boyfriends. The first was a guy named Matt during first year of Uni, and he lasted about six months. They never went on dates; they just used to see each other at parties, and eventually ended up sleeping together. After a month of regularly seeing each other, they had the “ _are we exclusive_ ” talk and that was pretty much it. They broke up when Mark decided to drop out and move to the States. Then there was Greg, who Louis met while he was still an intern on Radio 1. They did go on dates; Greg was always the romantic sort, wining and dining him like a perfect gentleman. But Louis always felt terribly uncomfortable during those first few dates, and everyone knows how well that ended.

Louis likes friends, and pints, and easy conversation. He likes getting to know people without any sort of expectations, like _when will we see each other again_ , or _can I kiss you by the end of the night_. He likes feeling comfortable and safe. He likes puppy eyes and a kind face, and strong arms, and a ripped stomach. He likes smiles that crinkle on the corner of eyes, and birth marks on necks, and lumberjack shirts. He likes being called _donut_ , and boxes of tea perfectly organized, and cork boards filled with memories. He likes play fights, FIFA nights, and jogging mornings. He likes fondness and trust and – Oh _shit_. He really is hopeless, isn’t he?

“Can’t I just find someone to fuck this out of me?”

Harry chuckles softly, his low voice echoing in the silent room. “Because that worked perfectly fine before, right?” Louis knows Harry’s right. Sex won’t solve his problem, it never did. It might give him a much needed momentary relief, but that’s it. “If I find someone I think you’ll get along with, will you let me set you up?”

Louis exhales, defeated. “Yes, Harold. You win.” He hears Harry whisper a tiny excited _yes!_ while punching his fist in the air. “Wait! I have a few conditions.”

“Oh no, here we go.”

“All hipsters and twats must be filtered. I already have you, don’t need any more of _that_.”

Harry lets out an indignant _heeey_ , making the silliest outraged face. Louis can’t contain the laugh that’s bubbling in his throat, and he hugs Harry tightly, his arms squeezing Harry’s waist. Louis mumbles a quiet _thank you_ into his chest, knowing Harry will understand everything he means by that.

Harry pats his back and moves to get up. “C’mon, the boys’ll be wondering where we are.”

Louis and Harry return to the living room to join the lads, Louis feeling better already. _It’ll go away_ , he thinks to himself as he sits in the same place he was before, Liam’s arms hugging him from behind to give him the Playstation remote, a quiet _is everything okay_ whispered to Louis’ ear. He smiles up at Liam and answers with a dismissive _just had a bit much to drink_ , and he knows, as Liam pats his head fondly, that everything will be alright.

 

-.-.-

 

“So, Chris, how do you think the show is going today? Solid?” Louis asks, speaking into the microphone. Chris is on the other side of the studio putting his headphones on.

“Incredible as usual, Tommo.”

“That’s what I like to hear. What are you doing after?”

Chris puts on a mock excited face. Louis laughs at him, finding his ridiculousness hilarious. It’s their banter and back-and-forth that keeps the listeners coming back for more, and it had started when they were both assisting Scott. Thankfully, the big boss thought that they were funny enough on their own, which is the main reason why he gave the show to Louis instead of hiring someone new and more experienced. They know that, and they try to amp it up as much as they can. “Are you asking me out?”

“You wish, Stark. No, just curious. I already have plans. My flatmate is probably preparing mediocre food for tea just as we speak, so I have that to look forward to once we’re done in here,” he snorts, fiddling with the buttons on the table in front of him.

“Oh, already slagging off Liam’s cooking skills? He’s in there slaving for you and here you are, complaining. I’d be outraged if I were him.”

“That’s because you’re too delicate, Chris,” he exclaims, and ignores Chris’ indignant _I resent that, Tomlinson!_ “Liam might have moved in just 6 weeks ago, but we’ve lived together before. I know exactly what his strengths are. And cooking is _not_ one of them. If you’re listening, sorry Li!”

“Well, from what I’ve heard, that’s a bit of a pot-meet-kettle type situation.”

“Who told you such lies?” Louis cries, feeling piqued.

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you,” Chris shrugs, clicking away on his computer, probably cueing up the next couple of songs. Louis feels his phone vibrate on his pocket.

“I bet it was Grimmy. Just because he caught me burning toast once. That was one time, it happens to everyone, right,” he cries, just as Chris dissolves into giggles. “He just likes to spread lies about me through the BBC building. I’ll get you eventually Grimshaw! Okay, let’s move on to some of that pesky music, always interrupting us. First up, the new single from Bastille. We’ll be right back.”

Louis clicks the track on his computer and turns off his microphone. He reaches for his phone, checking his messages. He has a new one from his mum.

You’re living with Liam again? Why didn’t I know this? Call me, love.

She’s been listening, then. His mum tries her hardest to listen to every show, but sometimes it’s impossible, depending on the shift she’s taken that day at the clinic. “How long do we have till we’re on?” Louis asks into the air.

He hears Chris mumble, “’Bout 10 minutes.”

“I’m going to make a call. Please let me know when we’re one minute left.”

Chris gives him a thumbs up and goes back to clicking away on his computer. Louis gets outside of the studio and into the empty corridor, trying to get some sort of privacy to call his mum.

She picks up after three rings. “Hi, love. You didn’t need to call right away. Aren’t you supposed to be talking to the nation instead of your mum?”

He smiles, his mum’s soothing voice bringing him a sense of calm, as always. “You’re part of the nation as well, mum. And, as you know since you’ve been listening, the music’s on.”

Jay chuckles. “So, how come I didn’t know the news? I knew Harry was moving out, but since you didn’t say anything else, I just assumed he hadn’t gotten round to it.”

Louis wonders about that. He didn’t mean to keep it from his mum. They usually talk almost every day on the phone and Louis tells her pretty much everything about his life. Well, not quite everything, but still. “Yeah, about that. Sorry mum, just slipped my mind. It’s just Liam, I guess I mustn’t have given it much thought? It was just normal stuff.”

“Well, that’s great, love! Karen told me about him and Sophia, a few weeks ago. She was so sad, poor woman. But she didn’t mention the both of you moving in together. Was it supposed to be a secret?” She asks, her voice tinny through the speaker. Even then, Louis can detect some dubiousness in her tone.

“No! Why would it be a secret?”

“I don’t know. Are you sure you’ve got nothing to tell me?” Jay sounds insistent, but Louis doesn’t really understand where she’s getting at.

“I don’t- what are you talking about?”

“Never mind, love. I’m really happy you’ve got Liam to live with you again. You’ve always loved him so much.” His mum says this with an inflection on her voice he doesn’t quite understand. Her intentions might be harmless in mentioning his affection for Liam, but it still hits Louis like a punch in his gut.

“Well, of course. He’s my best mate,” he answers. He loves Liam, of course he does. As he loves Harry, Zayn or Niall. They’re all his best mates. He loves them all the same. Platonically. Right.

Just then, Chris pokes his head through the door to the studio and holds up two fingers in his direction. “Hey mum, I’ve gotta go. Song’s about to end.”

“Okay, Lou. Don’t forget Nicola’s wedding’s coming up. Have you bought her and Matt a gift yet?”

“Haven’t gotten round to it, but I promise I’ll find something nice,” he mutters. To be honest he completely forgot, but he’s not about to tell his mum _that_.

“You’re coming up that weekend, right?”

“Course, mum. Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Well, it’s my job to remind you. Bye, sweetheart. Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

Louis disconnects the call and re-enters the studio, preparing to get on the radio again. He feels a bit anxious to be honest. There’s something tickling at the back of his mind about his mum’s questions. She clearly wanted to ask him something, but dropped it when Louis wasn’t very forthcoming. It’s quite strange.

He dismisses it for now, figuring that if it was really important, his mum would’ve said. He sits back in his chair and puts his headphones on, and when the music fades out, he and Chris start bantering once again, this time about the guests they booked for next week.

 

-.-.-

 

“I just got the weirdest text from Ruth.”

Louis and Liam are lazing on their sofa on Saturday evening. They had a really fun day today: after Louis came back from his morning show and had a quick snack for lunch, they decided to take advantage of the unusually sunny day in London. Liam suggested playing footie, so they grabbed Louis’ battered old football and took the tube to Hyde Park. They spent the afternoon either kicking the ball around or lazing about in the grass, enjoying the warm sun.

Louis had missed that so much, him and Liam just being lads, hanging out together. It’s not like they stopped seeing each other, but it’s not the same. Living together just makes it easier to make plans, and it’s so much fun. Of course Liam running around in tiny shorts, his vest accentuating his biceps, sweaty and out of breath, did nothing to calm Louis’ hardly contained attraction. But even that took a backseat to being able to enjoy spending time with his best mate.

Louis’ not a teenager anymore though, which is why, after a hot shower and a few chicken wings from KFC they bought on their way home, Louis is barely awake lying on the couch, his head on Liam’s lap. When Louis’ head had started to drop, Liam tapped his leg, insisting Louis use him as a pillow. After a half-hearted attempt at protesting Louis ended up giving in, and is now slowly being lulled into a state of peaceful contentment by Liam’s hand caressing his neck. Messing with his hair does nothing for Louis; unlike Harry, who turns into a purring kitten if someone so much as touches his scalp. But the neck is Louis’ weak spot. And Liam keeps massaging the top of his spine, his thumb pressing circles into the muscle knot that forms there every time Louis is slightly tense.

Liam knows him so well, is the thing. He knows Louis turns to putty if someone touches his neck, or that he might be distant and standoffish sometimes, but that mostly means he needs closeness. He knows that calm touches make Louis relax. And Louis’ craving intimacy so much that he’ll take what he can get from Liam. Part of him wishes he could pull Liam down and kiss him lazily, after enjoying a peaceful day together. But the rest of him is just happy to be here, in this moment, and that he’s got a friend like Liam.

“What’s it say?” Louis asks, looking up. Liam is frowning at his phone, his expression confused.

“ _Heard you’ve finally got your shit together, Li. How’s the married life with Tomlinson_? What does that even mean?”

Louis shrugs with one shoulder. “Maybe she’s mocking you? For moving in again? She’s always liked messing with me, since we were kids.”

Liam’s face falls. “Do you think she didn’t like Sophia? Is that why she’s saying I got my _shit_ together, because we broke up?”

Louis immediately sits up and puts a hand on Liam’s arm. “Hey, no. Your family loved Soph, mum just told me the other day that Karen was really upset for you.”

“Yeah, she was,” Liam nods, his mouth curved in a downward line. Louis smiles at him softly, trying to reassure him.

“Ruth might like to tease you, but she was friends with Sophia. And she would never hurt you on purpose. Why don’t you send her a text, ask what she means?”

“You’re right, I’m going to.” Liam picks up his phone again, thumbing at it with determination. He leaves the message open, so Louis can see what he wrote.

_What do you mean? I thought you liked Soph?_

Ruth answers almost immediately. _I loved her. But you gotta do what makes you happy, little bro. Are you happy w/ Lou?_

Liam has the phone tilted in Louis’ direction so they can both read Ruth’s reply. Liam exhales as soon as he finishes, his body visibly relaxing, a grin reappearing on his face. He writes _I’ve always been happiest w/ Lou :)_.

“See? She’s just worried about you,” Louis says quietly, not wanting to disturb Liam. Something strikes him as odd about Ruth’s texts though. Her next response just adds to his suspicions.

_I’m so glad, little Liam._

Liam’s face lights up at the nickname. It was something Louis remembers Ruth calling Liam since they were both teenagers, something just between the two of them. Not even Nicola called Liam that. He’s not so little anymore, standing taller that both their sisters, but that’s what makes the nickname even sweeter.

Louis, however, can’t stop thinking about the texts. Just when he’s about to dismiss his thoughts as him imagining things, _that_ conversation he had with the boys last time they were here comes to his mind. Louis starts to wonder. _No_ , he thinks to himself, _she couldn’t possibly think…_

Is it true, even now? Does everybody still think they’re together? That doesn’t make any sense. Ruth is Liam’s sister, she knows Liam better than anybody else, except maybe for Louis. They’ve always been close and she’d seen Liam and Louis grow up together, she knows how weirdly connected they are, and she knows Liam’s _straight_.

When he looks at Liam, though, he looks cheerier, and doesn’t seem to find anything odd with his sisters’ texts. Louis thinks about asking him, but then decides to drop it. If Liam doesn’t think anything’s wrong, Louis is probably overthinking things. _I’m becoming paranoid._

“We should go out.”

“What?”

Liam suddenly looks like an excited puppy, jumping up and down on the sofa. “We should go out! I haven’t been to a club in ages, Soph didn’t really like them.”

“Leeeyum, I’m tired,” Louis whines, demonstrating this by flopping back to the cushions, his right arm landing on top of his face.

“C’mon Lou, that doesn’t seem like you. You’re always up for a drink and some dancing!”

“I’ve become old and pathetic,” he grumbles dramatically.

“It’ll be fun. We can be each other’s wingmen! Get a few drinks, chat up some birds – and boys,” Liam says, winking at Louis. “Come on! How long has it been since we went dancing together? I remember you saying we were going to raise terror through all of London. There’s been no raising of any terror and it’s already been two months.” Liam’s pouting, pushing his lower lip out as much as he can for maximum dramatic effect.

Louis could never deny him anything. “Okay, okay. Let’s go.”

“Yes!” Liam gets up and starts to walk towards his room, making a ridiculous dance that consists mainly of moving his arms around as if he’s stirring a giant pot of soup. He’s going to be the death of Louis.

 

-.-.-

 

They arrive at the club to find it _packed_. Louis had forgotten how much he loved this: the flashing lights, the thrumming of a bass line echoing in his veins, the mass of sweaty bodies on the dance floor. Just from the short walk to the bar he already feels invigorated. He knows he looks good, dressed in his skinniest black jeans, ankles peeking from the top of his Vans, and a black vest that shows off his collarbone tattoo. He can spy several men turning heads when he passes by, and even though he’s not interested, the attention is welcomed.

They approach the bar and Louis observes the area surrounding him as he waits for Liam to flag the bartender down. His skin is itching to get out there, lose himself in the music. He must get a couple of drinks in first, though.

“This was a great idea, Li!” Louis shouts, over the music.

“I know, right?”

Liam looks good as well, washed jeans loose enough that they seem at risk of falling off and a white t-shirt that’s just tight enough to show his muscled pecs. It’s a simple enough attire, but he looks really hot in it (okay, Louis might be a little biased).

They get a few tequila shots in to get their blood flowing and head to the dance floor. Liam sees someone he knows from work and makes a beeline to say hello. Louis goes ahead on his own, not being able to wait any longer.

He doesn’t recognize what’s playing, but it’s just the kind of dance music he likes: a bit slower, sensual, a heavy drum that beats with his heart. No shrill voice from a current diva. Just sound, and bass thrumming, and blue lasers flashing in the darkness. He gets to a small opening between the shuffling bodies, and just starts to move. He’s not that great of a dancer, but he knows how to move with the music, his hips following the beat. He feels himself relax, all of the tenseness from the past few weeks simply fading away. In here, he’s just a guy dancing in a club. He’s not Louis Tomlinson, the radio host. He’s not even Louis, the guy who’s in- who has feelings for his best friend. He’s just another body swaying with the rest.

The shots he had sit pleasantly in his stomach, making his head buzz and his skin warm. Louis closes his eyes and just lets himself go. He dances for so long he starts to sweat, feeling the back of his vest sticking to his skin. But in that moment, none of that matters. In that moment he’s larger than life, beautiful and unattainable.

In the corner of his eyes, Louis sees Liam approach. A blonde girl stops him on his way, not anyone that Louis knows. He can’t really see her face due to the flickering lights, though. They start dancing really close and Liam looks excited and happy.

Louis turns his back on them, not wanting to see Liam groping some random girl, and smiles towards a gorgeous guy dancing with his friends just in front of him. He’s nothing like Liam, which is exactly what Louis wants – he’s really tall and skinny, dark skin shining in the blue light that’s now washing over them. He has really kind eyes and a nice smile, and he approaches Louis, not really touching him, just moving in close. He’s a good dancer too, hips rolling with the beat in a tantalizing way. Louis closes his eyes again and just lets himself move, not really caring if the guy comes closer or not.

A pair of large hands settle on his waist, then, a chest leaning against his back. He opens his eyes to look at the arms surrounding him, but he doesn’t need to glance at the four chevrons covering the man’s right arm to know it’s Liam. When he looks up in front of him, the guy he was dancing with has moved away and is now back with his friends. He turns to Louis and winks knowingly, before turning away to dance with another bloke. Louis senses the flush coming from his chest, up his neck and to his face, the hairs on his arms and at the back of his neck standing up. Liam is moving with him, his hips gyrating with Louis’. He puts his mouth to Louis’ ear, saying, “You look beautiful, Lou.”

Louis lets Liam’s words flood him like hot molten lava, settling in his lungs and making him pant a little bit. He knows Liam’s just saying that because they’re friends, and because deep down he wants Louis to feel good, but in that moment he lets the pleasure bubbling in his chest wash over him.

He takes his arm and puts it around Liam’s head, the change in position perfect for Louis to grind back against Liam. He shouldn’t expose himself like this, shouldn’t be vulnerable like this, but the tequila is making him bolder. Liam’s head is still placed on Louis’ shoulder, their faces touching, and Louis’ fuzzy facial hair is rubbing against Liam’s beard, sending sparks of arousal down his spine.

Liam uses the hands in his waist to turn him around, pulling Louis flush to his chest. He squeezes a thigh between Louis’ own, and restarts moving to the beat. _What the hell is going on? Is he drunker than me?_ He stares into Liam’s face, but other than his red cheeks, which could be just from the heat, he doesn’t see any signs that Liam is too drunk to be aware of what he’s doing. He just abandons his doubts in favour of grinding with Liam, arms around his neck.

The smell of Liam’s cologne suddenly fills his senses and he feels intoxicated. His heart starts beating wildly; the heat between them is almost unbearable and Louis’ never felt more out of his depth. He searches Liam’s eyes hoping to find something, some clue that he might be joking, that this is just a laugh between friends, but he doesn’t. Liam’s hands just slide lower, his fingers splaying over top of Louis’ bum, and his thumbs slip inside the waistband of Louis’ jeans, stroking the sensitive skin of his lower back. A new wave of arousal swims deep in his gut, and Louis must get himself under control, otherwise things will get awkward very soon. _Shouldn’t it be awkward already, though?_

But it isn’t. And Louis missed this, the feel of a hot body against him, arms holding him tight, hands caressing. The fact that it’s Liam just heightens everything, feelings muddling with arousal. Liam touches his forehead to Louis’, and they’re now breathing the same air. If Louis just moved his head a bit, just an _inch_ , they would be kissing, and he would finally get a taste of what he’s been craving for years. He’s so close he can almost taste it.

The song abruptly changes to a faster, cheerier tune, and Louis feels like a bucket of water’s been dropped over his head. _What the hell do you think you’re doing?_ He puts some distance between them and shouts over the music, “I’m going to get another drink. You want anything?”

He’d been so close, just _so close_ to ruining everything. About to throw over ten years of friendship out of the window just because. Because he’s horny, and needy, and, and… stupid. He almost jeopardized the most important thing in his life, and for what? A few minutes of relief? He feels selfish and reckless.

The rest of the people moving around them slowly begin to make their way into Louis’ line of vision, and he starts to breathe properly. Liam, on the other hand, looks like he’s just surfaced from a long dream, eyes blinking in rapid succession, arms still reaching out as if Louis is still in his arms. He lowers them slowly and answers, “No thanks, I’m good.”

Louis turns around and heads quickly toward the bar, not looking back. That contentment he felt when he was dancing is now gone, replaced with discomfort.

The throngs of people make it difficult to reach the bar, but after a lot of bumps he finally manages to. He asks for water and chugs it down in a few gulps, trying to sort himself out. He strains to rationalize what just happened, but realises he can’t. He needs to find someone else to dance with, maybe the guy from before, and lose himself in random bodies, erase the way Liam’ thigh had pressed against his crotch with just the right amount of friction. He’s about to turn away from the bar when he feels someone sit on the stool next to him. He looks up into the tall figure only to find the last person he wanted to see right at this moment.

“Louis Tomlinson. What a coincidence.”

“Indeed, Greg James.”

He looks good, Greg does. Happy and relaxed always looked good on him. It’s been awhile since they’ve seen each other outside of work, and even longer from the last time they spoke more than a few pleasantries to each other. Of all the clubs in London, Louis had to choose the one Greg was going to be at.

“How’ve you been?” Greg asks, his tone showing genuine interest.

“Good, you?”

“Yeah, great,” he says. He’s drinking a gin and tonic, which was always his beverage of choice. Louis remembers how Greg used to order the both of them gin and tonics every time they went out, no matter how many times Louis told him he hated them. Greg would just reply that it was a question of getting used to it. It was one of the things that grated on Louis the most during that year.

“I see some things don’t change.”

Louis looks up at Greg, frowning. “What do you mean?”

Greg nods his head towards the dance floor, a weak smile pushing at the corners of his mouth. “Liam. Just saw you all over him on the floor. Are you still pining after him?”

Anger bubbles up in his throat. He breathes in and out, trying to calm himself down. “It’s been three years, Greg. Are you still hung up on me?”

Greg laughs, sincerely surprised. “Not at all. You know, I’ve been seeing someone for almost two years, we’re engaged, love each other very much, really. I just- I feel sorry for you, Lou.”

Louis vision swims, and he’s dizzy for a moment. “I don’t need your pity,” he spits out.

Greg leans back against the bar, heaving a sigh. “Look, Louis. Even though we didn’t end on the best of terms, I can sincerely say that I cared for you deeply once, even though I know you never felt even an ounce of what I felt for you. And I honestly- I don’t understand how someone as clever as you claim to be fell for a straight boy,” he confesses. He looks genuine.

Louis looks over to the dance floor, his eyes immediately zeroing in on Liam, who’s dancing close to the outer edge of the crowd. He’s flailing around, nothing like the sensual moves he put on for Louis just a moment ago. A red-headed girl, very fit in a tiny black dress, is whispering in his ear, and he shakes his head, amused. They keep dancing together, though.

“It was never a choice,” Louis lets out, regretting it almost immediately. He didn’t mean to let his guard down, much less in front of Greg, but the last of his walls has been destroyed. It seems like this is the kind of night for regret.

Greg exhales loudly, taking a sip of his gin and tonic. He puts a hand on Louis shoulder condescendingly. “What happened between us is water under the bridge. I just wish the best for you and I truly want you to be happy. And I can see that you aren’t. And you’re never going to be, really, if you don’t-“

“I know, I don’t need you to tell me that,” Louis interrupts. His knees are shaking and he feels unexpectedly bone-tired.

From the corner of his eye, Louis sees Liam approaching. He scowls when he notices Greg. “Hello Greg. It’s been a while.” Liam sounds cold and distant, a tone that doesn’t suit him.

Greg thankfully just smiles politely and doesn’t mention what they were talking about. “Hiya Liam. Me and Louis were just catching up. I have to go find Alex, though. He must be wondering where I am. See you later boys,” he says, landing his empty glass on the bar. Just as he’s turning around, he gazes back at Louis and mutters, “Just think about what I said, Louis?”

“I will,” Louis answers, dismissive. Greg finally walks away and an emptiness sets into Louis. He looks at the ground, gulping in small breaths of air. He’s exhausted.

Liam touches his arm, and Louis can’t help but to flinch. “Hey, you okay?” He looks worried.

“Just fine.”

“What did he want?” Liam asks, his face searching Louis’.

“Doesn’t matter,” Louis lies, trying to deflect Liam’s attention. He needs to get out of here, right now. “I think I’m going to head home, I don’t feel so well.”

“That’s okay. Let me just grab our coats.”

“You can stay. I’ll just grab a cab.”

Liam just looks at him as if he’s crazy and takes his arm, pulling him towards the exit. They get their coats and leave the club, the cold London night air hitting their faces. Louis breathes in and out slowly and feels a little better.

They walk a couple of blocks until they find an empty cab. Once they’re inside, Liam grabs Louis and pulls him toward his chest, an arm around Louis’ shoulder and the other resting on his waist. Louis snuggles closer into Liam’s white t-shirt, not sure if he feels comforted or more distressed by being this close to him. Liam’s hand touches his neck, soothing, which is a sign he noticed Louis’ feeling out of sorts after talking with Greg.

The night was a rollercoaster of emotions for Louis: first, the arousal he can’t control around Liam, the realization he was about to fuck things up, and finally, complete and utter helplessness after Greg pointed out his stupidity. He wonders what Liam thought of things with Greg. Louis never really told him what happened between them, just that Greg got pissed when Louis didn’t want to move in with him.

The night sky is dark outside the car window, barely any stars visible in London. Louis stares out the window, watching the street lamps shine come in and out of his line of sight. After such an amazing day, the night pretty much turned everything to shit. He feels tired and sad and he just wants to forget, he just wants to not feel. Liam keeps pressing gentle fingers to his neck, moving up slowly to his chin, then down to the dip between his collarbones, his breathing pattern calming Louis down.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Louis sighs and shakes his head. “No.”

The taxi pulls up to a stop in front of their building and Liam takes out his wallet before Louis does, paying the driver. He gets out of the car and helps Louis out, immediately putting a hand on his waist and supporting his weight as they climb up the stairs to their flat.

Liam unlocks the door one-handed and steers them inside, closing it with his left foot. He takes Louis down the corridor, ignoring his protests that he’s not a baby and can take it from here, and pushes him into the bathroom, instructing him to brush his teeth. Louis does, begrudgingly.

When Louis comes into his bedroom, Liam is waiting there. He’s pushed the duvet back and is holding Louis’ sleep t-shirt. He helps Louis undress, with just a bit of complaining on his part, and helps him to bed, literally tucking him in. He sits down by Louis side and places an oh-so-tender hand on his neck. Louis looks up at Liam and finds him looking back, his smile sad and his eyes gentle.

“You know that I’ll always be here whenever and however you need me, right?”

Something bursts in Louis chest, and his eyes start welling up. In that moment he knows, as certain as he knows the Earth turns around the Sun, that he loves Liam. He’s deeply and completely in love with Liam. He doesn’t know exactly when it happened, or why it happened, but it’s too late now. There’s no changing it.

Liam just sits there, waiting for an answer, and Louis is choking on his emotions, overwhelmed. Liam’s trying to be a good friend for him, and Louis just feels selfish and pathetic once again.

“I know,” he eventually murmurs, placing a hand on top of Liam’s.

He just smiles and whispers _sleep tight_ as he gets up and leaves. As soon as he closes the door, Louis exhales a shaky breath. His head hurts, his throat hurts, his body hurts, everything hurts from the effort he’s making not to cry. He’s never been much of a sentimental person, always preferring to keep himself locked tight behind a set of carefully constructed walls. He’s never felt this overcome with emotion, though. But he will not cry, he’s stronger than that. He’ll pull himself together, just like he always does, and he’ll find a solution.

_I don’t understand how someone as clever as you claim to be fell for a straight boy._

_I just don’t want you to get hurt again._

Well, too late for that.

Harry was right. Greg was right. Everyone who ever thought he and Liam were together probably because they could read Louis like a map was right. What’s he going to do?

 

-.-.-

 

As time goes by, Louis tries to come to terms with his feelings. He bottles them up, kept well inside the mental barriers he’s starting to rebuild. The first few days after the realisation that he’s been in love with Liam this whole time he tried to keep his distance and spend as much time as he could outside hanging out with other people. But Liam’s his best friend, and Louis can’t avoid him forever. He thinks Liam notices something isn’t quite right, but he never asks. Louis suspects that Liam might think it has to do with Greg, and Louis doesn’t correct him.

One evening, though, Louis comes home to find that Liam has cooked them a full on roast dinner, complete with Louis’ favourite dessert – apple pie. The table’s set up all proper, with a nice white cloth, matching plates and silverware, and the good wine glasses. There’s a single yellow rose in a glass vase at the centre of the table.

They eat the food in silence, and it’s simply delicious. When Louis compliments Liam on it, he ends up confessing Harry and Nick came over to help him with it.

It’s still one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for him. Liam is clearly worried about him and tried to do something nice to cheer him up. Louis needs to lighten up.

“I’m sorry, Liam. For the way I’ve been acting the last few days,” Louis whispers, his hands covered in foam while he washes the dishes. He thinks maybe he spoke so low that the sound of rushing water covered what he said, but Liam approaches him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“No need to apologize. I just worry, you know?”

“I know. Thank you.”

“How about you leave the dishes drying and we watch the last Avengers film? Only seen it once,” he says with a smile.

Louis can’t help but smile back. Liam is such a great friend, he really is. Louis just needs to learn to take what he can get.

They end up spending the rest of the night lazing in front of the telly, in Louis’ favourite position: Liam squeezed into the corner of the sofa and Louis lying sideways, his head on Liam’s lap. He covers himself with the ghastly green afghan Niall gave him as a joke years ago that was placed over the back of their sofa, and wills himself to just relax.

As if reading his thoughts, Liam places his usual hand on his neck, squeezing at first, and then gently circling his fingers on Louis skin. Immediately, all thoughts from the last few days leave Louis’ mind, and he eases at last.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you. Nick’s invited us to go over for tea tomorrow,” Liam suddenly states.

“Okay, that should be fun,” Louis answers with a slurred voice. He feels his limbs turning into mush and his eyes closing. Without noticing, Louis falls asleep, right there on the sofa with the Avengers exploding things on the screen.

 

-.-.-

 

After he exits the BBC building, Louis drives to Harry and Nick’s flat. Liam is probably already there, but since Louis had to work a bit later today they decided he’d drive there directly. He feels marginally better after patching things up with Liam yesterday. He realises there’s nothing he can do about his feelings, but he can at least be a good friend to Liam, because he did nothing to deserve Louis’ distance.

When Harry opens the door the first thing Louis notices is how ridiculous he looks. He’s wearing a floral apron with “Kiss The Cook” written on it, over a sheer black shirt that probably belongs on an fashion runway, and the skinniest black jeans known to men. Pushing his hair back is a head scarf that, when Louis examines closer, looks more like a kitchen cloth: white and red stripes and a scratchy and cheap material.

He ends up voicing his concerns. “You look ridiculous, Harold.”

Harry just smiles. “I look cute and very sexy, Nick said.”

“Nick clearly fell on his head as a child,” he snorts.

Harry just pulls him inside and crushes him into a hug. “How are you, okay?” Harry asks, and it might an innocent enough question, but Louis can tell by his tone what he means.

“I’m doing fine, really,” he says to Harry’s chest, finding that he’s being completely honest.

Harry seems happy with his answer and pulls him towards the kitchen, where they find Liam and Nick, between the island and the counter, dancing depressingly badly to the new Taylor Swift single blasting from the radio. Pig dog is running excitedly between their legs, almost as if she wants to join the dancing as well. It’s quite the sight. Louis and Harry start to laugh uncontrollably.

“Oi, Grimshaw! What the hell are you doing? Don’t poison my boy with your pathetic dance moves, please.”

Liam’s face lights up when he notices Louis is in the kitchen, while Nick just looks indignant. “You just wish you had my mad moves, Tomlinson.”

“It’s all I dream about,” Louis deadpans. Harry snorts, and Liam dissolves into giggles.

While Harry and Nick finish setting the table, they catch up on what they’ve been doing. Harry tells them he’s been able to be home for longer stretches of time, booking higher profile shoots that pay better and allow him to be pickier about the jobs he accepts. Nick looks understandably satisfied about that. It must take a huge toll on a relationship to be apart for such long periods of time, Louis guesses. He’d seen how Zayn took it on the second year of his relationship with Perrie, when Little Mix took off and would spend almost eight months a year touring the world. He handles it better now, thanks to a job that allows him work from anywhere and his frequent visits to Perrie while she’s all over the world.

One of the reasons Harry and Nick took so long to make their relationship official was because Nick was afraid Harry wasn’t committed enough, and Harry, in turn, assumed Nick would just get bored of him always being away. But, as cliché as it sounds, their love for each other won out in the end. And committed life suits them well.

They all sit down at the table to eat the homemade lasagne Harry’s prepared. Louis almost moans as soon as he takes a bite. He’d forgotten how good a cook Harry is.

“Harry, this is incredible.”

“Thanks, Lou,” he beams, proud of himself.

“It’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten,” Louis says, his mouth full. “It’s amazing. I want to marry this lasagne.”

“Hey!” Liam protests, his pout visible from across the table. “You never said that about any of my dishes.”

“Sorry, Li. Your food is great too. Sometimes.”

They all giggle, and this feels great, bantering over amazing food after a day’s work. “Well, he’s trying to learn, aren’t you Liam? He’s a great student, much better than me, definitely. Harry here tries and tries but I never get it, I much prefer to leave the cooking to the people who can do it,” Nick interjects, peering at Liam.

“Yeah, I like to learn things, I guess. Thank you again for yesterday, guys.”

Harry perks up at that, his dimples appearing. “How was it, by the way?”

Louis looks fondly at Liam, nodding in his direction as if to thank him. “Really good, yeah. I’ve been a bit down lately and Liam was trying to cheer me up. And he succeeded.”

Harry instantly scowls, worried. “Why, what happened?”

Louis is thinking about changing the subject, and is about to ask Nick for the salad, when Liam pipes up, “We saw Greg the other day, at a club.”

“Liam!” Louis yells. Liam immediately looks like someone kicked his puppy and stares down into his plate, apologetically, mumbling _sorry_.

Nick doesn’t seem to get the memo saying this is not a subject he’s comfortable with at the moment. “Oh yeah! Greg mentioned the other day that he saw the two of you, almost humping each other on the dance floor. He’s such a gossip, really- OW! What was that for, Harold?”

Harry must’ve kicked Nick under the table, because Nick’s massaging his calf, a hurt look on his face. When he looks at Harry though, he’s making a warning face, trying to tell Nick telepathically to not go there. Louis catches his imperceptible head shake, though.

Louis feels his face flush. _Deflect, Tomlinson_. “We were _not_ humping each other. Right, Li?”

Liam grins at Louis. “Yeah, we were just dancing. Mates dance, don’t they?”

“Of course they do!” Harry all but shouts, too cheerily. He looks at Louis, questioning, but Louis just shakes his head. Thankfully, Harry gets him and changes the subject.

“Oh by the way, Lou. I have someone I want you to meet,” Harry says, singing the last part of the sentence, which makes him sound like a creepy and rugged desperate housewife.

Louis groans. He’d completely forgotten. “Oh no, Hazza, c’mon…”

“You promised, Lou.”

“I’ve met him, too. He’s quite the catch,” Nick interrupts.

“Yes, because it’s your opinion that’ll make me change my mind, Grimshaw.”

Nick pouts, mumbling a low _heeey_. Oh my god, it’s true what they say about married couples. Nick is turning into Harry.

“What are you guys talking about?” Liam asks, looking around, his face confused. Harry looks at Louis, as if to ask if he’s okay with him talking about it, and Louis nods back.

"Well, our little boo bear-”

“Little, my arse,” Louis cries.

“Shush. As I was saying, Louis here promised to let me set him up with a nice bloke.”

Liam grimaces, his eyebrows scrunching. Louis tries to read his expression but finds that, strangely, he can’t. “Oh.”

“It’s ridiculous, right Li? Can you please tell Harry I can find blokes on my own?” Louis moans.

Nick seems to want to be anywhere else than between the arguing infants. He just keeps shoving food in his mouth, almost as if he’s hoping no one will notice him. Harry puts a calming hand on his shoulder, and turns to Louis. “You promised!”

“You caught me in a moment of weakness.”

“Actually,” Liam interrupts, his voice weak and nervous, “It could- it might, I mean, uh, not be such a bad idea, Lou.”

Everyone quiets down. Even Nick puts down his fork, making it tinkle against the plate, the ringing sound echoing in the room. Louis wonders if Harry told him anything, but he assumes he did. He’s honestly not mad - it’s normal to share things on your mind with your significant other. He knows there are some things Harry would never tell Nick, but he must know the gist of it.

“Well, you haven’t been with anyone properly since, you now, Greg. It’s been, what, two years?”

Okay. Louis can work with that. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, of course Liam would support Harry’s suggestion. Liam wouldn’t just start protesting and declare his undying love for Louis. He looks at Louis from across the table and smiles feebly.

“Over three. And not exactly, I’ve been with people since then,” he protests, knowing that he’s already lost.

“Even I know they’re not talking about your famous sexscapades period, Tomlinson,” Nick laughs, trying to break the tension in the room.

“Maybe I’m just not cut out for a relationship,” he mumbles, making a last ditch effort to get them off his back.

“Hey, none of that,” Liam interjects, his foot touching Louis’ under the table comfortingly. “You’re amazing, Lou. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” He takes Louis’ hand, placed on top of the table, and squeezes it.

From the corner of his eyes, Louis spies Harry and Nick looking at each other, communicating silently.

“Yeah,” Louis gives in. “Tell me about this guy then, Harold. At least tell me he’s fit.”

Harry fist bumps the air, and does a little celebratory dance. “He is! Okay, his name’s Aiden, he’s 26 years old, just like you, and he’s a songwriter, very talented…”

Louis tunes Harry out, his slow dragging voice making it easy. He looks at Liam, who now has his head down and is concentrating on his food. He’s weirdly contemplative, and Louis can’t figure out why.

Maybe this will be good. He needs some form of distraction and from what he can catch of what Harry’s saying, this Aiden guy sounds interesting. Even if it ends up leading to nothing, it might be fun to meet someone new.

 

-.-.-

 

The day of Nicola’s wedding is surprisingly - as it’s November - a warm sunny one. Almost as if someone wanted the weather to reflect the happiness of the couple.

Louis and Liam had driven home to Doncaster the day before, so that there’d be no risk of them arriving late, otherwise their families, especially Liam’s, would kill them. Liam had actually driven in earlier in the day, since he was finished with work at three on Fridays and Karen had asked for his help with some last minute errands. Louis had to do his late afternoon show, so he ended up getting to his mum and Dan’s house later in the evening.

Nicola is finally marrying her boyfriend of almost eight years – after Liam’s parents had almost lost hope – and he’s from Doncaster as well, so they’re having a small ceremony in the local church, just for close families and friends, and then the reception will be open to all of their extended families and guests. Louis has been invited to both, as him and Liam’s family go way back and Nicola is almost like a big sister to him as well, but Louis’ own family will just meet them at the venue for the reception.

The church is stunningly decorated, mainly with shades of white and pale pink, and there are flowers filling little vases spread up and down the aisle. Louis doesn’t know much about wedding decoration, but everything looks classy and tasteful. The air is filled with perfume, making Louis sneeze for a bit when he enters the church. He’s about to sit close to the back, next to a few girls he thinks he recognizes as Nicola’s friends, when he spots Liam in the front next speaking with Ruth. Liam looks up at Louis, almost as if sensing someone was observing, and waves him over.

Louis approaches them, noticing right away how incredibly - well, there’s no other word to describe it other than _beautiful_ \- Liam looks. And it’s not just his fitted simple black suit that hugs him in all the right places, two-button jacket with shiny lapels, and pale pink tie that matches the decorations. It’s the fact that he looks genuinely _happy_ , his entire face lit up with joy, smile pushing at the corners of his mouth and eyes crinkling.

“Hi Li, hello Ruth. Let me just tell you, you look gorgeous.” She does, her strapless dress of a stronger shade of pink (though not hot pink, thankfully), hair done up in a complex mixture of braid and bun. She looks blissful, and it’s infectious.

“Hi Louis. You look dashing, yourself. I’m going to leave you boys, I have to check on Nicola, see if she’s not freaking out. See you!”

She walks down the aisle, her heels clicking against the floor. Louis turns to Liam then, feeling content himself, just to be among these people. “Hey, how are you holding up?”

“Nervous for Nic. But really happy, as well,” Liam answers, turning to wave at someone on the other side of the church. The ceremony must be about to start, since most seats are already taken.

“I’m going to leave you then, find a seat.”

“Where are you going?” Liam asks, confused.

“Well- the first row is for family, I’m going to sit a few rows behind,” Louis states, looking meaningfully at Liam’s grandparents sitting further down the bench, while his mum is just next to the aisle, a space kept for Jeff once he gives Nicola away to her new husband. Matt’s family is placed at the right side of the church.

“But you _are_ family,” Liam says, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Louis feels a pang in his chest, his usual reaction anytime Liam so much as breathes in his direction these days. “Sit with me, please?”

Karen has clearly been listening to their exchange and is trying to cover it up by looking down at her nails. When Louis looks in her direction questioningly, though, she looks back, smiling.

“Sit down, dear. Liam’s right. You’ve always been a part of this family, but especially now.”

They both sit down, Liam next to his mum, and he turns to her and says, “What do you mean, especially now?”

She’s about to answer when the music starts.

The ceremony is absolutely beautiful. Nicola and Matt both look radiant, their faces mirrors of joy and love. Both their mums are crying while their dads’ faces are stoically dry, but Louis can see Jeff wipe a discrete hand through his eyes when he thinks nobody's looking.

Marriage was never something Louis contemplated a lot. When he was younger and first realised he was gay, people of the same sex were only allowed to have civil partnerships, so that was a thing he didn’t dwell much on. Now, thankfully, that’s changed, but still. It’s just not something he dreamed of, or aspired to.

But seeing these two people up there, looking at each other as if there was nobody else in the room, exchanging promises of forever, makes something twist in his chest, a yearning for a love he knows he’ll never have.

Liam chooses that moment to take his hand, his thumb caressing Louis’ wrist. They turn to look piercingly at each other. Liam has something etched on his face Louis’ doesn’t know how to describe. Happiness, joy, and something else. Louis wants. He wants Liam so bad, he almost can’t breathe.

Just when Louis presses his hand to Liam’s neck, hoping to find what he’s feeling through the steady pulse of his heart there, everybody stands up abruptly, cheering. Louis looks up to see Nic and Matt kissing at the altar, and the spell is broken.

 

-.-.-

 

The reception is held at an estate Matt’s family owns, just an hour drive from the centre of Doncaster. It’s lovely, an immense old house with green fields that extend for a couple of miles. The warm weather allowed them to set the party outside, where a big tent - containing the DJ and the dance floor - is surrounded by rows and rows of tables. The decorations follow the theme of the church: classy white with undertones of pale pink, and flowers colouring the centrepieces of each table.

When Louis arrives his family is already there next to their table. All of the girls look beautiful in simple - but cute - dresses. Lottie’s holding Doris and Dan’s entertaining Ernie, who has the tendency to get in a strop when he’s surrounded by a lot of people. His mum looks relaxed, sipping from a glass of white wine. They are so many of them that they have one of the biggest tables - save for the central one saved for Matt, Nic, their parents, and their brothers and sisters - set especially for them, with eight plates placed around the table and two high chairs for Doris and Ernie. Wait- eight plates? Louis looks at the cards placed on top of each plate. Jay, Dan, Lottie, Fizz, Daisy, Phoebe, Doris and Ernie all have their own plate. Where’s his?

The bride and groom have yet to arrive, so everybody’s just mingling around, making conversation. Louis turns to his mother. “Why am I not sitting at your table?”

Jay looks at him, confused. “I think you’re staying with Liam at the top table.”

“What? Why?” he asks, surprised.

“Well, that’s the table for close family and significant others. Ruth’s boyfriend is also sitting there.”

 _Oh, shit_. This is not happening. Louis feels all the blood drain from his face. “Mum, me and Liam we, uh, we _aren’t_ ,” he finishes, not knowing how to voice his concerns. He knew something was up when his mum kept fishing for answers that time on the phone. Or when Ruth sent those texts. Or earlier, in the church, when Karen had… Oh my god, this has gone too far. He needs to find Liam.

“Oh. Oh dear. But I thought- and Karen also. She said Liam’s been so happy,” Jay says, placing a comforting hand on her son’s shoulder. “Are you okay, love? You went all pale.”

"I don't- he doesn’t… mum?”

Jay looks at him, recognition in her eyes. In that moment, Louis knows she understands. “Hey, son. It’s okay. It was just a misunderstanding. I’m sure if you talk to Liam-”

“Liam is oblivious, mum. He probably doesn’t even realize what he’s doing.”

She takes Louis in her arms and holds him closely to her chest, hands patting his back comfortingly. “We’ll talk about this later, love. This is clearly not the place. But don’t- he loves you, you know? He’s your best friend.”

Louis breathes slowly, in and out. “I know. This is a mess. I- I need to find him,” he mumbles, disentangling himself from Jay’s arms.

When he’s walking away, he hears Lottie asking his mum, _What? Liam and Louis aren’t together?_ His mum answers with a confused, _Apparently_.

Louis walks around, his feet squishing the grass beneath his shoes. He finds Liam already next to his table, talking animatedly with his mother. Louis approaches them, trembling a bit from nervousness, and asks for a moment alone with Liam.

Once Louis gets him a few feet away from Karen, he hisses. “Why am I sitting at the top table?”

Liam smiles, clearly not catching Louis’ distress. “Nic asked me if I wanted you next to me when she was organizing the table placements and I said yes. Thought it’d be much less boring if we were sitting together, was that okay?”

Jesus. He’s clueless. Louis feels a headache beginning to form just underneath his temples. “Don’t you know what that means, though?”

“What are you talking about?” Liam asks, frowning.

“The main table is only for close family and significant others. Our families think we’re together! Nicola probably asked you hoping to get a confirmation, which you basically gave her!” Louis is whispering furiously, hoping no one around them is catching their conversation.

“Oh.”

“Oh? Is that all you have to say?”

“Why are you angry? Is it so bad, the idea that we could be together? I don’t care, let them think that!” Liam looks angry and dejected, and Louis feels himself deflate. He didn’t mean to snap at Liam, but this situation is grating on his nerves. He feels exposed and vulnerable, like everyone in the venue can read Louis feelings for Liam on his goddamn face. He hates feeling vulnerable.

“Of course it’s not bad. It’s just- we need to tell them,” Louis deflects, hoping that’s enough for Liam.

A few moments of silence pass, Liam looking pensive.

“Hey, just- maybe we shouldn’t?” Liam sounds unsure, but he puts an arm on Louis’ shoulder firmly before continuing. “Please, don’t tell them? Mum’ll be upset and I don’t want to ruin Nic’s day. I’ll tell them tomorrow, is that okay?”

There’s something Liam isn’t telling him. He’s fidgety and uncomfortable and Louis thinks maybe the idea of them being together isn’t that okay as he says it is. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I can just tell your mum and we’ll find a way to move me to another table,” he mumbles, voice breaking a bit at the end.

"Lou. If I told them I wanted to sit next to you it’s because I want to. I don’t care about anything else. Unless- you don’t want to?”

“No, I mean, yeah, that’s- yeah, okay, we can do it,” Louis nods. This is probably a terrible idea.

The day goes on, and he feels himself return to his earlier mood. Being next to Liam is a mix of bittersweet emotions. On one hand, Liam’s still his best friend. They still turn to each other every time they want to laugh at an embarrassing speech or at a drunken cousin tripping on a table cloth. But he feels out of sorts any time he sees Ruth looking over at them knowingly, or when Nic and Matt take their first dance, swaying on the dance floor, and the only thing Louis can imagine is what would it be like if he had all of Liam’s attention on him, staring at him like he was the only person in the world.

When the dance floor opens up to everybody, Louis sees several people shyly approaching, dancing to _When A Man Loves A Woman_. His mum and Dan are holding each other tight on the far edge of the floor, looking as much in love as the newlyweds. Louis feels so happy for his mum that his heart could burst. Karen and Jeff are also dancing, although more awkwardly since Jeff apparently has two left feet. More and more people fill the floor, people Louis doesn’t know, and everybody looks content to be here. Louis sighs to himself and takes a sip of his red wine.

Next to him, Liam stands up and Louis figures he’s going to ask somebody to dance, some family member or maybe some friend. Liam extends a hand in his direction, though, and whispers, blushing furiously, “Would you give me the honour of dancing with me?”

Louis flushes as well, feeling his cheeks heat up from his uncontrollable giddiness. In order not to make a complete fool of himself, he jokes, “What are you on about, Payno? Surely there are plenty of girls out there more than willing to dance with you.” He laughs sincerely.

Liam just shakes his head. “I don’t want to dance with a random girl, I want to dance with you. Everybody just thinks we’re dating already. Besides, mates dance together, right?”

 _Not really. At least not like that_. The music changes into _Unchained Melody_ ; this DJ is really going for the cliché set list. Louis looks up at Liam, trying to see if he’s joking or not, but he can’t tell. Today has been a weird day and he’s not been able to read Liam as well as he normally can. Whether it’s because of him, feelings clouding his judgement in this romantic environment, or if Liam’s simply being mysterious, he doesn’t know. “Okay, Li. But you better not step on my toes!”

“Never.”

Louis takes Liam’s hand and follows him to the dance floor, catching his mum’s eyes on the way. She looks at him with worry, but he shakes his head, trying to reassure her. Liam then places one of his hands on Louis’ waist, his fingertips sending shocks of electricity up Louis’ spine, while the other takes Louis’ hand properly, as if they were in a Disney movie.

They start to sway, and Louis places his other arm on Liam’s shoulder. They stay like that for a while, not talking, just enjoying each other’s presence. Louis’ nervousness subsides and he starts to feel more at ease. His heart rate never drops, since there’s no way he could remain completely unaffected while in Liam’s arms, but he feels comfortable, at least.

“I think I’ve had a bit much too drink,” Liam says, finally breaking their trance. He’s smiling, though, meaning he’s not feeling unwell, just stating a fact. “All that wine and champagne. I just feel really happy, you know. For Nic, and for Ruth and for mum and dad. I’m really glad you’re here with me, sharing this.”

Their surroundings slowly start to fade away, like they did in the church when Liam took Louis’ hand. Louis knows he’s longing for what he can’t have, but at that moment he can’t help but imagine he’s in another universe, one where he and Liam really are in a relationship. That this is not the first or the last time they’ll dance like this and that when the party is finally over they’ll return to their flat in London and share a bed. He shakes his head, trying to break the spell. “I’m happy, too,” he mumbles.

“Isn’t it amazing that, if I were to kiss you right now, nobody would be surprised? Our families already think we’re together. Everybody would just think _oh, there they are, carry on_ ,” Liam giggles at the end, snorting when he inhales air. It makes it clear that he’s not completely conscious of what he’s saying and it hurts.

“Yeah. Funny.”

Suddenly, Liam is kissing him. 

At first, Louis is too shocked to do anything other than stand there, paralyzed. Liam’s lips are soft and gentle against his, and something implodes in his chest when Liam takes Louis’ bottom lip between both of his, teeth nipping on the flesh there.

The part of Louis that’s confused is pushed aside, and he lets himself just feel. Feel the way both of Liam’s hands move to his neck, as if he instinctively knew Louis needed that to settle. Feel how Liam’s heart is beating fast through his chest, when Louis places his hands there, grabbing Liam’s white shirt. Feel the first time their tongues slide against each other. Feel their breaths mingle when they both exhale through their noses.

It’s over too soon, though, when Liam breaks the kiss and touches his forehead against Louis’. Louis is dizzy, not from the alcohol but from the questions spinning in his mind. _What does it mean?_ He can’t think properly. Arousal sits low in his gut and his lips are still tingling.

Liam laughs, looking around, and mumbles, “See? No one cares.”

All of the warmth from snogging Liam quickly ebbs away, replaced with frustration and anger. “Is this a joke to you? Seriously, Liam?” Louis snaps. That hurt. Even if he didn’t mean to, a sliver of hope had slipped into Louis’ heart during the kiss, and having Liam completely dismiss it as if he were just having a laugh feels like a knife bursting through his bubble. Of course Liam doesn’t feel anything other than friendship for him. To him, this is all a joke at the expense of their families. Alcohol had made him bold and reckless. Louis takes a step back, out of Liam’s arms.

“Sorry, I- I didn’t mean. I was just-”

“You were just what, Li?”

“I, I,” Liam stammers. He pauses and scratches the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m really drunk.”

Louis sighs. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“Sorry, I- that was a mistake. I just- I don’t even know what I was doing.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Louis barks, and turns to leave, but Liam grabs his elbow before he has a chance to escape.

“Are you angry with me?” Liam asks, frowning. He looks as confused as Louis is, but probably not for the same reasons.

Louis takes a deep breath before he answers. He _is_ mad at Liam, but for reasons that aren’t fair to him. He’s mad for letting himself believe for just a few seconds that he would get his happy ending. He’s mad at himself for falling in love with his best friend. And most of all, he’s mad that he’s not strong enough to put an end to this. “I’m not mad. Just- disappointed. I need to go.”

“Lou, I’m so sorry. Please don’t be angry,” Liam pleads. He’s sobered up, apparently, and looks really upset. Louis can’t focus on that right now.

“I have a really bad headache, I need to go home. Tell Nic I’m sorry, but that I’m not feeling well and that I love her. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay? Everything’s fine.” He tacks a weak smile on at the end, trying to reassure Liam and avoid his questions at the same time.

Liam doesn’t look very reassured, but he nods and lets him go. Louis all but runs outside of the tent, trying to avoid his family at all costs. He walks briskly up the path that leads to the front of the house, and on to his car. As soon as he’s inside the car, he jams his head against the wheel. “You fucking idiot. You’re a real arsehole, Tomlinson,” he yells to himself, in the vain hope that it’ll help him clear his mind.

He takes several deep breaths in succession, trying not to cry. _Think_. Okay, he must go back to London. If he goes back to his mum’s, he’ll just be bombarded with questions and he can’t handle that now. He grabs his phone and sends a quick text to Nicola, apologizing for leaving early. He then writes to his mum, _Sorry, had to leave. Wasn’t feeling well. Have stuff to do back in London so I’m driving back. I’ll visit properly soon. Love you xx_. After sending it, he turns off his phone.

 

-.-.-

 

Louis drives. He drives and doesn't think, can't even bear to wrap his head around what happened. He sees the sun set through his car windows and doesn't even appreciate the changing in the colors of the sky, from the light blue to a pale pink hue, until purple takes over and finally the dark sets in with almost no stars. It will probably rain tomorrow, ending the slight reprieve given to Nic’s wedding.

The three hour drive passes too quickly, as if Louis wasn't paying attention to the scenery changing around him, which to be fair, he wasn't. It’s just as he’s entering London that he realizes that he doesn't really want to go home. Part of him is afraid Liam will follow him there, although he isn't expecting him to, but mostly he doesn't want to be reminded, once again, of how close and how very far from each other he and Liam are.

As he’s turning another corner, Louis realises he’s driving towards Nick’s flat. It’s almost an unconscious decision. He parks in the first available space, and it's just as he's taking the stairs down to the flat that Louis takes notice of how late it is, almost ten at night. They might not even be home. It's Saturday, they could be out somewhere. He should’ve called first.

He rings the bell anyway, knocking for full effect. He hears sound from the inside, which means they're in. He’s relieved.

Nick opens the door, dressed in loose joggers and an old Britney Spears t-shirt. Any other day, Louis would've mocked him mercilessly, but not today. Nick’s clearly surprised to see Louis. Besides the fact that it's late, Louis must be quite the sight – still in his suit, his tie askew, all of him disheveled, hair standing up from constant messing it with his hands, face pale and eyes bloodshot.

“Hiya. Am I interrupting something?”

“No, Lou, just having an early night with the missus,” Nick answers, obviously going for a sympathetic tone. “Please come in, it’s getting cold out.”

Louis enters the flat, standing in the hallway. Normally he would just barge in, searching for Harry, but he feels out of place, as if he doesn't belong in his own skin. He hugs his arms to his chest and mumbles, “Is Harry home?”

Nick looks at him, eyes kind and understanding. “Harold! We’ve got a stray Louis Tomlinson in our doorway looking for you!”

Steps slowly approach them as Harry comes from the door to the living room. “Lou! Weren't you supposed to stay in Donny-”

Harry takes one look at him and immediately realizes something must've gone terribly wrong. “Oh, Lou. What happened?”

Louis shrugs at first, trying to seem unaffected. But he stares at Harry, who’s wearing a loose shirt that looks like something that belongs to Nick and just his boxers, clearly having a relaxed night which is about to get ruined, and just breaks. He all but runs into Harry’s open arms, head colliding with his chest, arms tightly across his waist. Harry just places a hand on his head, combing through Louis’ hair soothingly.

Louis tunes out everything, so he doesn't notice Nick walking away until he comes back, with Pig on a leash. “I’m going for a walk with Pig, she’s been whining about it for an hour. I left a pair of joggers and a t-shirt on top of the bed, smallest I could find, so you can change out of that suit, love. Must be getting uncomfortable.”

Louis says a muffled _thank you_ into Harry’s chest. Nick places a kiss on top of Harry’s head and a comforting pat on Louis’ shoulder, leaving the flat as quietly as possible with Pig running excitedly at his feet.

In that moment, Louis appreciates Nick _so_ much. They might've had their problems at the beginning when they met, probably because they’re too much alike. But they've always understood each other on a deep level and they’ve grown to become great friends. Nick also never questioned Louis and Harry’s connection when not many boyfriends would be as accommodating. He completely understood that, at ten o’clock on a Saturday, Louis needed Harry, and he gave them space to talk. Louis has amazing friends, he really does.

“C’mon, Lou. Let’s get you out of those clothes.”

After changing into the clothes Nick had left for him, and making tea for them both (Harry could never get his tea quite right), Louis settles on the sofa next to Harry, both of them sipping from their respective mugs.

“I’m sorry. For just barging in unannounced. I didn't mean to impose on you and Nick, I just- didn't want to go home.”

“You know it's perfectly okay. You want to talk about it?” Harry asks, patiently.

Louis takes a deep breath. “You were right. I shouldn't have let Liam move in.”

“Oh Lou. I hope you know I really wish I wasn't. What happened?”

A few minutes pass, with only the sounds of them drinking from their mugs filling the room. Harry had muted the telly when they first came in, and Louis is glad. He puts his mug on the coffee table and rubs his face with his hands, trying to find the right words to say. “I'm in love with Liam. I’m _still_ in love with him. I thought I was over it, but I’m clearly not.” It's the first time he’s said it out loud, and something settles in his chest, as if saying it finally cemented it. It's always been so obvious, to anyone, really. Louis has been so dumb.

Harry looks at him sheepishly, and places a gentle hand on the back of his head, enough to comfort Louis and not overwhelm him. “Well,” Harry pauses, considering his next words, “yeah. I kinda knew about that? But something happened, right? Or you wouldn't be knocking on my door still in your suit, looking like you couldn't run from Doncaster fast enough.”

“Yeah, pretty much. I,” Louis hesitates. He sighs before continuing. “It was just a weird day, I couldn't- basically all of our families think me and Liam are together? They placed me next to him on the main table, the one that’s reserved for close family and partners?”

Harry looks confused. “What? How did that happen?”

“I think they all assumed since we moved in together after all these years it must mean something. Mum had already asked some questions, but I didn't understand at the time. And Liam was just- clueless, as usual. Probably ended up inadvertently confirming something.”

“And?”

“And we ended up going along with it. Didn't want to ruin Nic’s day. And I don't know if it was the alcohol, or the general feel of the day- I just kept having these thoughts about what if it was me and Liam-”

“Oh Lou… what did you do?”

“That's the thing. I didn't do _anything_ except lower my guard down. We danced, he was a bit drunk and he just- kissed me.” Louis hears Harry inhale sharply. “I should've pulled away, but I, I- couldn't. He was obviously drunk and… He just laughed in my face, Haz. Said some bullshit about our families thinking that was normal,” he whispers, voice breaking. He’s suddenly overwhelmed with what he felt at the time: hurt, disappointment, and an encompassing feeling of inadequacy. “I was just, so angry. That he’d be so insensitive, but he wasn't, not really. It's not his fault that I couldn't take the joke, right? He kept saying sorry, that it was a mistake, but… I had to leave. Couldn't face him. Or his family.”

Harry's been quiet during Louis’ ramble, letting him get all of it out. Now he puts an arm around Louis’ shoulder and pulls him towards his chest. Louis breathes slowly, taking comfort in the familiar smell of Harry. They spend the next few minutes like that, just breathing together. Harry eventually says, “You don't think that, you know, Liam might've-,”

“Meant it?” Harry nods. “No, you should've seen his face, Haz. How could he, just- laugh like that?”

“He shouldn't have kissed you, but… You can't blame him for being insensitive, he doesn't _know_. You're mad, I get it. But you know that he would never hurt you on purpose,” Harry whispers, his hands still pressing soothingly on Louis’ scalp. “Think about it, if it were you and me, we’d probably just kiss and have a laugh about it, right? You just have all these feelings you’re projecting, and Liam was never really good at reading other people.”

Louis knows he's right. But it still hurts like a motherfucker. “I know.”

Keys jingle just before the door to the flat opens, Pig’s small steps announcing Nick’s arrival. Pig runs into the room, immediately turning towards her bed, curling down into it. Nick tiptoes into the room, as if not wanting to disturb them. “I’m sorry for interrupting the whole heart-to-heart, but it's freezing out and I forgot my coat.”

“I’m so sorry, Nick. This is your house, I shouldn't-,”

“Don't worry about it, love. I’ll just be in the bedroom if you need me.” He comes over to peck Harry gently on the mouth and Louis, once again, can’t help the surge of jealousy low in his gut. He wants that, so much. He wants that with Liam. “Staying the night, then?" Nick asks before he leaves, sounding put out, but when Louis looks up Nick's look is soft and understanding. “Couch is really comfy. Harold here will fix you up with some nice blankets when you’re ready to turn in, okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll- thank you, Nick,” Louis says, hoping that Nick can read his sincere gratitude through his tone, even if Louis can’t voice it right now. Nick just smiles and leaves, closing the door of the bedroom behind him.

“What are you going to do?” Harry asks, after another few minutes of silence.

Well, that’s a loaded question. At this point there’s not much he can do, really. He loves Liam, and it’s been years, through multiple partners, and he’s still here. Louis’ been on a few dates with Aiden already, and he’s a great guy. They really hit it off, and those first few encounters were actually not as hard as Louis was expecting, probably because they’re really compatible. But the constant exposure to Liam only makes him unfairly compare Aiden to some kind of standard he shouldn’t have to reach, and Louis hasn’t been completely able to relax around him.

The truth is he’s not going to stop loving Liam. And that hurts, and has been hurting for a long time. He doesn’t want to lose Liam’s friendship, but he thinks… He might need some distance.

“I think I have to move out.”

 

-.-.-

 

Louis ends up staying for lunch on Sunday, after very little insisting on Harry’s part. He knows Liam is probably expecting him by now, but he’s not looking forward to having to explain why he left Nicola’s wedding in a fit.

He can’t postpone it for long, though, so he drives home early afternoon, considering what he’s about to say. He can’t really open with _I’m moving out_ because that would make it seem like he’s mad with Liam, and he’s really not. He’s doing this because he needs a bit of distance to get himself together, and he can’t do that living in Liam’s pocket. It worked when Liam moved in with Sophia - _sort of_ \- so it should work now, right? Right.

The thing is, he might be in love with Liam, but he loved Liam as a friend way before he realized the true depth of his feelings. He doesn’t want to ruin their friendship. Harry had asked last night if it wouldn’t be best if Louis came clean with Liam and told him he was in love with him and that he needed space right now to get things under control. He’d be okay with it, he’d understand, Harry said.

 _No way_. There’s absolutely no way in hell he’d tell Liam. Of course he’d understand, that’s part of the problem. He’d be so understanding, and kind, and utterly awkward around Louis. He doesn’t want that, he doesn’t want Liam’s sympathy, he doesn’t want their relationship to change. He just wants to go back to a time when he was blissfully ignorant. And besides, Louis doesn’t like to be vulnerable or talk about his feelings, even if most times he’s not that good at hiding them. The only reason Harry knows it’s because he was there to see the Big Louis Breakdown. He’s glad Harry knows, though.

He enters the flat, immediately knowing Liam’s home by the sound coming from the telly. No such luck, then. He could hide out in his room claiming a hangover or something, but he knows it’s not the right thing to do. He leaves the bag with his crinkled suit in the kitchen to wash later and walks into the living room, sitting on the sofa next to Liam, the space between them seeming miles more than just a few inches.

Liam seems tense and worried. “Where were you? I called but it would just go to voicemail, and I tried texting but- I was worried. Jay told me you’d come back home.”

“Turned off my phone, sorry. I had a really bad headache and remembered we’re out of paracetamol, so I just drove directly to Harry’s. Nick made me stay over, said it was too late for me to drive back.” It’s partially true. He tries to sound nonchalant, but he’s not sure he succeeds.

They remain in silence for a few minutes, but it seems like hours. Louis doesn’t want to talk, he just wants to forget last night happened, but he knows he must say something.

“Look, Li-”

“I’m sorry-“

They both started to speak at the same time, mumbled words jumping into each other. When they look at each other, they start to giggle, and some of the tension breaks.

“I’m sorry about yesterday, Lou,” Liam starts, hesitating a bit like he’s not sure what to say. _Welcome to the club_ , Louis thinks. “I had a bit much to drink and that whole situation just felt really funny all of a sudden. I didn’t mean to, like, overstep my boundaries or something-”

“You didn’t,” Louis interrupts, firmly. Well, he sort of did, but it’s like Harry said - Louis wouldn’t have taken it the way he did if Liam was just a mate to him. “I overreacted. Felt like you were making a joke out of me in front of our families.” Louis remembers Zayn once telling him, when they had been smoking and were high as hell, that the best lies are the ones that teeter close to the edge of truths - if you include as many true details as possible in your lie, it’ll make it more believable. That’s what he’s doing right now.

Liam looks really miserable. Louis never wanted to make him sad, but this needs to be done if they want to be okay. He decides right then that he won’t tell Liam about moving out yet, as it might press a finger into an already open wound. He’ll let a few days pass, so that it seems his decision has nothing to do with that kiss.

“I never meant to- I would never do that,” Liam ends up saying, head down, hands on his lap.

“I know. I’m sorry for running away.”

The silence between them stretches uncomfortably, which is unusual for them. Louis always has something to say, and on the rare occasions he doesn’t, Liam is so safe and comfortable that they always feel at ease with each other. Liam is tense and anxious, and Louis is feeding off that energy.

“Are we okay, Lou?”

Louis actually expected Liam to ask him more questions about last night, was preparing to spill out some bullshit about why he was so angry, why he couldn’t take the joke. But it seems like Liam wants to talk about what happened as much as Louis. He sighs and gives in, hugging Liam, his head on his friend’s shoulder. “Of course we are, Li.”

Liam gives him a weak smile and hugs him tighter, mumbling another _I’m sorry_ to Louis’ neck. 

“Hey, none of that, come on. It’s over and dealt with. Let’s just forget it happened, okay? How ‘bout we go see a movie today, huh? We can sit at the back and throw popcorn at old ladies with big hair so it gets stuck there, just like we did back in the day, what do you think?”

The smile Liam gives him then is just so blindingly bright, Louis’ breath catches in his throat. He swallows and pushes his feelings down, resigning himself to handle this for just one more week. _One more week and you’ll have to tell him you’re moving out._

 

-.-.-

 

That plan goes to shit three days later.

Louis comes home on Wednesday to find Liam sitting at the kitchen table, Louis’ laptop open in front of him. The look on his face isn’t one Louis can describe: it’s a mixture of sadness, anger and confusion.

“Li, is everything okay?”

“Are you moving out?” Liam asks, instead of answering.

Oops.

“What- uh, what are talking about?” _You could sound at least a little bit more convincing, you arsehole._

“I left my laptop in my office at the school, so I opened yours just to check my email. A window was open with a search for one-bedroom flats in London.”

 _Shit. Shit, shit, shit_. Louis had indeed started to look around, just to get a feel for what the monthly payments would be and what he can afford. He thought that it would be easier to have a place lined up when he told Liam, in case things got a bit awkward. He never even considered Liam might just stumble upon it. He didn’t even have time to think about what he was going to say.

Louis busies himself, putting the kettle on the stove and preparing things for tea. He tries to relax his shoulders, assume a casual posture. He needs to make Liam believe this is normal, that there’s nothing going on. “Yeah, I started looking around. It’s nothing against you, just- We’re getting older and, uh, I kind of wanted my own space?”

 _Yeah, great. That sounds like something believable, right?_ Liam doesn’t look very convinced, and his expression turns sour. “Why would you, I mean-” Liam pauses, considering what to say. Louis is still not facing him, trying to seem busy taking the mugs from cupboard over his head and meticulously dropping the teabags into them. “Is this about what happened? Are you still mad at me?”

This is what he’s been fearing all along. Of course Liam wouldn’t just let him move out without some sort of explanation, Louis wouldn’t if he was in Liam’s shoes. He just has to find a way to make it as smooth as possible, to try and salvage what they still have. “Of course I’m not mad, Li. It has nothing to do with that. It’s just- we’re twenty-six now, it’s time we grow up.”

“What are you talking about, Lou? That makes absolutely no sense. We’ve been friends almost half of our lives, I never once heard you talking about _growing up_ ,” Liam mumbles, sounding dejected. “If you’re not mad, then why can’t you look at me?”

The kettle starts to whistle, so Louis turns it off and pours the water into the mugs. He brings them to the table and sits next to Liam, finally looking up into his eyes. He seems so miserable that the first thing that comes into his mind is, _What are you doing, Louis?_

“Look, Li-,”

“I don’t understand. I just-” Liam stands up, his tea forgotten on the table, and walks to the living room, leaving Louis alone and trying to think of a strategy. He doesn’t know what to say to make things better.

He stands up and follows Liam, only to find him pacing in front of the telly, distressed. “Liam, c’mon. You’re still my best mate, okay? I just need my own space, right? We’ll still hang out.”

Liam pauses his nervous walking, pointing a finger at Louis and staring accusatorily. “You’re lying to me, Louis. I moved in, what? Three months ago? And you only thought of this now?”

“Well, I’ve since got a raise-,”

“That’s bullshit,” Liam says, whatever small anger he showed earlier seeping from his stance as he looks to the ground, his arms holding his torso. “You already had your first pay by the time Harry moved out, and it would be the perfect time to make that move. But you were looking for a roommate, so it means something must have changed since then. I know I can be thick sometimes, but I’m not that dumb.”

Louis sighs. He wishes he had a guideline with all the right things to say to make this better. He knows Liam would be understanding if he told him the real reason, but he doesn’t really want to. But if he doesn’t find a better excuse _now_ , he’s in trouble. He’s saved from his thoughts when Liam finally speaks, after a long moment of silence.

“Look, you must know, right? Of course you know, and you’re trying to spare me. But I’ve been dealing with it, okay? I’ll never let it come between us, I promise. I’ll never lose control like that again,” Liam rushes out, jumbled words stumbling all over each other. He’s looking at the window, avoiding Louis’ eyes.

“What? I don’t- what the hell are you talking about?”

Liam looks at him then, dubious, his eyebrows scrunching together. “The kiss. Nicola’s wedding ceremony was beautiful and I just- mum and dad were so happy for us and I kept thinking. I was drunk and I let my feelings get the better of me. I thought if I could kiss you just once it would, I don’t know, help make it go away? It was stupid, obviously didn’t work. But I screwed things up, I know. I’m sorry.”

Louis is paralyzed to the spot. Confusion seeps into his mind and a buzz echoes in his ears. “I don’t understand,” he manages to say.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen, Lou. I’m sorry, really.”

“Liam,” Louis tries to sound calm, but he doesn’t think he’s succeeding. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Liam just drops into the sofa, his head between his hands. “ _Shit_. I thought you knew,” he mumbles, through his hands. Louis sits next to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, and waits for him to speak. If Liam’s saying what Louis thinks he’s saying… _No_. He mustn’t get his hopes up. “I’ve been having all these, _feelings_ , right? When I saw you were looking for a place to stay I thought it was because- because you didn’t want to let me down, or hurt me, or maybe because you felt uncomfortable.”

A phone vibrates, probably Liam’s since Louis’ is in his pocket and he didn’t feel anything. They both ignore it.

Something starts to grow inside Louis’ chest and he can’t, can’t even register what’s happening right now. “But- I mean, you were with Sophia?”

“Yeah. I told you we weren’t okay for awhile, and that’s true, but by the very end we had a lot of fights where she accused me of having feelings for you. And at the time I laughed, just like all those other times people assumed we were together. But I guess she was right. I’m so sorry, Lou. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’ll try to- make it go away, or something,” Liam pleads, finally staring up into Louis eyes.

“Don’t apologize,” Louis retorts, putting a gentle hand on Liam’s face. Liam presses into it, and Louis just _wants_. Wants to give his boy everything. But he needs to be sure, first. “I thought... You still have pictures of Sophia in your room. And you’ve always been with girls!”

“Actually…” Liam blushes furiously then. “Well, first of all, Sophia is my friend, just like any of the other boys. We might have ended, but she had a very important part to play in my life. She made me realize I…” he stops, grabbing for Louis’ other hand in both of his. “When we were broken up but still living together, she kept saying these things about me and you and how I’d get jealous sometimes and maybe I was attracted to men or whatever.” Liam is unconsciously caressing Louis’ wrist as he’s talking. He sighs before continuing. “I kind of started to have all these doubts? So I went into this club once, right? And found this guy and we hooked up. I just wanted to know if she was right.”

Louis’ heart is beating in his chest so loudly he’s surprised Liam can’t hear it.

“And?”

“And, while I _am_ attracted to men- I kind of found that I only wanted to be with you? I thought moving in here would prove that I wasn’t, that it was just a fleeting attraction. But, you and I, it’s always been… and I kept, you know, imagining the two of us... urgh. This is so embarrassing Lou, please don’t make me-”

Louis interrupts Liam by putting both of them out of their misery. He uses the hand still on Liam’s face to pull them together, finally kissing Liam.

It starts soft and attentive, like their first kiss, but this time all of Louis’ senses are heightened by the lack of alcohol in his system. Liam seems unsure, like he maybe thinks Louis is doing this out of pity, but when Louis scratches behind his ear soothingly, he finally lets go. The kiss turns frantic, desperate, as if both of them can’t quite believe what is happening.

Liam finally breaks away to breathing, panting against Louis’ cheek in a way that leaves him dazed and aching for more. Liam puts some space between them, though.

“What? I don’t- please, Lou.”

Louis feels the smile splitting his face and he can’t believe this is happening. “The reason I wanted to move out… I, I thought it’d be easier, you know? Because I’ve been in love with you for so long and it hurt. And after that kiss- I was mad at myself. For not getting over you. I couldn’t take it anymore, being so near you but not being able to have you.”

“Lou,” Liam breathes, and his eyes look fondly at Louis. “Are you really saying…?”

“Yeah, I’ve been, you know, really pathetic about you for years. Harry almost knocked me on the head when I said we were moving together once again.”

“He did? Why?”

“I thought I was over you. And he kept saying I’d get hurt.”

Liam takes Louis face in his hands and looks piercingly into his eyes. “I’m sorry for not noticing sooner. I never thought- I guess I needed to go through some things to get to this point? But I promise I’ll never hurt you. Again. Or at least I’ll try.”

He kisses Louis again, only this time it’s tender and gentle. He takes Louis in his arms and they fall back against the sofa, Louis trapping Liam underneath him. Louis’ never felt this content, a hopefulness bubbling in his chest.

The last few months suddenly start to make a lot more sense to Louis. Liam’s short-lived reluctance about moving in with him, his nervous dismissal when the boys were over, his possessiveness in the club. Everything makes sense, except-

“Why did you push me towards Aiden, though?”

Their breath is the only sound in the room. Liam frowns, looking sad. “What do you mean?”

“When we were at Nick’s. You said it was a good idea if I went out with Aiden. And afterwards you kept asking me when I was going to go, and how it went and everything. Why didn’t you say something?”

Liam’s hand comes up to Louis’ forehead, his thumb slowly smoothing the worry lines. He pushes Louis’ fringe out of the way and smiles weakly. “I thought- after the thing at the club. You were so upset. I guess I thought you still- had feelings for Greg? And that was why you hadn’t been with anyone since.” Liam places his hands on either side of Louis’ face, pulling him down and placing a gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. “I just wanted you to be happy. It might’ve killed me, but if there was a chance dating Aiden could make you happy…”

Louis giggles a bit, considering Liam’s words. They’d both been so stupid. “Greg and I broke up because he thought I cared more about you than him. That night he saw us dancing and he told me I’d never be happy if I didn’t move on from you. That’s why I was upset,” he says, smiling to reassure Liam that he’s feeling pretty over the moon right now.

“Oh.”

“I can’t believe this is happening. I’d lost all hope,” he confesses, forehead touching Liam’s.

They just lie there, comfortable, breathing each other’s air. It feels like a dream, hazy around the edges, warmth settling inside of Louis.

“It was really hard for me to accept what I was feeling, you know?” Liam says, and Louis rests on his chest, listening intently to what he’s saying. “You’re my best friend. I didn’t want to ruin everything.”

“Me neither. We’re really just a couple of tossers, aren’t we?”

They both look at each other before starting to laugh uncontrollably. Louis is shaking on top of Liam, which only makes him laugh even harder. “Yeah, I guess we are. All those people knew before we did, right?”

Louis just nods and kisses Liam again. Now that he knows he can do it, he’s going to take advantage of it. This time, since most of what they needed to say is out in the open, nothing stops the kiss from turning heated.

They snog for a long time, tongues sliding against each other, hands roaming. It’s like he’s discovering a new side of Liam he didn’t know, and he’s not really surprised that he’s still got a lot to learn. Like how Liam seems to really love sucking on his bottom lip, or how he exhales in little whimpers when Louis presses a thumb to his nipple through his shirt, or how he seems to have an obsession with squeezing Louis’ bum, taking a handful and using that to press them close together.

Louis sits up and takes his shirt off, urging Liam to do the same. He does, falling back into the cushions, while Louis admires the view. Liam’s flush goes all the way down his neck and into his chest, rising and falling with his heavy breath. Louis places a hand on his stomach, just caressing the fine hairs there, mesmerized.

“You’re ridiculous, did you know that? How did little Liam turn into this?”

Liam laughs, his eyes crinkling. He looks so happy. “Lots of working out.”

Louis bends over and does something he wanted to do since he started having more than platonic feelings for Liam: he licks slowly from Liam’s jaw down his neck until he reaches the birthmark there, sucking the skin into his mouth until it turns purple. Liam makes a noise Louis’ never heard before, a grunt that ends into a moan. Another new thing about Liam for Louis to store.

“You know that time you walked out of the shower almost naked? You nearly drove me crazy.”

Liam grins mischievously. “I have to admit- I sort of did that on purpose?”

Louis swats at Liam’s arm, making a mock-outraged sound. “Liam James Payne! Do you know how many times I had to wank to get that out of my head? My dick was about to fall off!”

Liam genuinely giggles. “Well, I’m glad.” He places his hands on the curve of Louis’ waist, caressing the dip of his stomach. His pupils are blown and he stares into Louis’ eyes with _want_ written all over his face. “You’re so beautiful, I just- We could go to my bedroom?”

“Are you sure? We can wait.”

“Yeah, I- I’m sure,” Liam mutters, a grin splitting his face.

They fall into the bed. It’s not perfect - there are a lot of fumbles and elbows knocking into unwanted places and inappropriate laughter. It’s awkward and messy - not that different from any other first time - but it’s _them_. It's been a long time since Louis felt this appreciated. Liam keeps calling him _gorgeous_ , and _beautiful_ , paying attention to his sighs and moans.

They learn as they go along. Liam discovers that Louis’ neck, besides being his relaxation point, is also quite sensitive, after spending a few minutes sucking love bites into his Adam’s apple, Louis is turning incoherent and moaning uncontrollably. Louis finds that the inside of Liam’s thighs are so soft that they redden from beard burn instantly after Louis licks a path from his knee up, until he reaches Liam’s groin. Liam is quite enthusiastic when he discovers that Louis has no gag reflex and Louis, well, he gets to learn the taste of Liam’s come. After that, Liam fingers Louis thoroughly until he can’t breathe, coming embarrassingly quickly after just a few pulls of his cock.

While Louis is still recovering, his breathing slowing down and his muscles sore, Liam gets up to fetch a warm damp flannel. He sits next to Louis and cleans his tummy, with such care and devotion in his eyes that Louis can’t help but remember the night after they went out. When Liam put him to bed and told Louis he’d always be there for him. “I love you,” Louis whispers.

Liam drops the flannel on the floor and lies down next to him, kissing him slow and gentle, a hand on Louis’ face, thumb caressing just below his eye.

Louis turns to the wall, back against Liam’s chest, and bends his knees, so Liam can spoon up to him. He puts an arm around Louis waist and peppers little kisses all over his neck, relaxing him. It’s still quite early, but Louis feels sleepy, all the stress and anxiety from the last few days finally slipping away.

Just as he’s about to drop off, a thought finds its way into Louis’ mind; Liam didn’t say he loved him back. He finds that it doesn’t really matter, not when he can feel Liam’s heart beat steadily drumming against his back, little breaths against his scalp, and cold feet caressing up and down his calves. In that moment, Louis can say that he’s truly happy.

 

-.-.-

 

“Oh, _finally_.”

It’s Saturday and Louis had invited the boys around for tea and watching footie. He and Liam wanted to give them the big news together, and luckily that weekend happened to find them all around London once again.

Louis had to contain himself with Harry, though, since he kept asking when Louis was going to tell Liam he was moving out. It was really hard, but he kept giving evasive answers, hoping Harry wouldn’t get it. He wanted to keep it a surprise.

When the boys had arrived, though, Liam and Louis didn’t know how to breach the subject, which is why they had retired to the kitchen - under the pretence of calling the Indian takeaway place - to regroup and find a strategy, leaving the boys with the pre-match commentary on the telly.

“We could just snog in front of them,” Louis whispered. “Bet you they would get it.”

“I don’t know. We’ve been pretty dumb over the last few years. Maybe they’d think we were just joking around,” Liam said, his arms around his waist.

“Not with the way I’d snog you.”

Liam pulls him closer, his nose touching Louis in a cute eskimo kiss. “What way is that? Maybe you should show me.”

Louis took Liam’s lips and snogged him obnoxiously, pushing his tongue into Liam’s mouth in an over the top way. Which was when Niall had entered the kitchen.

“What do you mean, finally?” Liam says now, outraged.

“You _finally_ got your head out of your lovely arses, I see. Boys! Come here,” Niall shouts into the living room.

“See, told you that’d work,” Louis mumbles into Liam’s neck, making him giggle.

Harry and Zayn enter the kitchen to find Louis still in Liam’s arms, smiling dopily. Harry looks confused. “What?”

“These two were cleaning each other’s tonsils just now,” Niall snorts, making Liam blush furiously.

“Oh,” Harry says, a smile pushing onto his face, dimples appearing, “really? But I thought-,”

“Yeah, I guess it wasn’t just me being a pathetic wanker about this, right Li?”

Liam nods and says, _Right_ , peering at Zayn almost as if looking for his approval. Zayn just shakes his head and smiles, exclaiming “Fucking finally!”

“That’s exactly what I said!” Niall yells, making them all fall into laughter.

“Were we really that obvious?” Liam asks, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.

Harry comes up to him. “Some of the times more than others, but yeah, pretty much. I’m really happy for you. And if you hurt Lou, I’ll-”

“No need for that, I’ll kick myself if I ever hurt him.” Liam says. Zayn _aaww_ s, while Niall gags, pretending to vomit. Harry just hugs Liam to his chest, patting his back.

This sprouts a round of hugs and congratulations from all the boys. When Harry gets to Louis though, he hugs him tightly to his chest, whispering, “We have a lot to talk about. But most importantly, are you happy?”

“The happiest,” Louis answers simply.

After deciding to order pizza instead, the boys return to the front of the telly, Niall complaining about missing the kick-off, _All because these twats decide to be all touchy feely on footie night_.

“Hey, don’t call my boyfriend a twat!” Louis shouts, about to follow them out of the kitchen. Liam grabs his wrist and pulls Louis to him at the last minute.

“Boyfriend?”

“Yeah, got a problem with that?” Louis asks, playing coy.

Liam just smiles, pecking him lightly on the lips. “No problem. I just- I love you a lot, you know?”

Affection bursts in his chest and Louis feels truly blessed to be here, with the man he’s loved for years in his arms, combing a hand through his hair and looking at him like he’s the most precious thing in the world. Above all, he feels happy, finally, to have fallen in love with his best friend.

“I didn’t. But now I do.”


End file.
